


Yume Sakura

by groundedreamer



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Inspired by Music, M/M, Music, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms), Secret Relationship, Unhappy Ending, Violins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 18:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundedreamer/pseuds/groundedreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaname hears a beautiful song weaving through the sakura trees. It leads him to an equally beautiful boy. In that moment, their love story began, but how will it end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When I Met You

**Author's Note:**

> I originally got this idea when i was listening to the song Yumesakura (/watch?v=dF6BwCrbSAg). It's so beautiful. I love it so much! I thought it would be absolutely perfect for Kaname and Zero, so I started writing it. Funny thing, I thought it would take a day or two to write, but no, it took me a month and a half! And that's just the first part! It just totally spun out of control! It's 16 pages on word, I've never written that much, ever! Hopefully you guys liked it. Please tell me your opinions and if there are any mistakes, please tell me! I hope I can get the second part out soon...depending on how long it is :D
> 
> Edit: I had the song lyrics incorporated into the story, but I was told I couldn't use them, so I had to take them out. To get a real feel for the story, please look up the translation of the lyrics online. It really is a beautiful song. :)
> 
> Anyway, peace out! :P

"Thank you Sir," Kaname said, giving the short, corpulent man a small bow. He placed his hat back on his head and smoothed the front of his jacket.

"Anytime Mr. Kuran. I do hope you and your lovely fiancée visit us again soon. My deepest felicitations to you and your betrothed once again." The man gave a wide smile and bowed once more. Kaname nodded and looked past the man to a young brown-haired girl in a scarlet dress. She dreamily ran a piece of lace through her fingers while staring at a mannequin dressed as a bride. It was, in fact, wearing the wedding gown she had chosen. The tailor had been making adjustments and left it out for Yuki to admire.

Kaname smiled at the longing look on her face; it would soon be hers to wear. Their wedding was in about two weeks, after the sakura trees reached full bloom.

"Yuki dear," he called softly to her. "We have to leave." Yuki glanced back at him, disappointed. She gave the dress one last longing look and handed back the sample of lace that she had chosen for her veil back to the tailor. Kaname smiled fondly and held his arm out to her. She grasped it with her small glove-covered hands and they exited the store.

"Oh, Kaname," she sighed as they walked down the street. "I wish the wedding were today! I don't think I can wait!" Kaname looked down at her sunlit face with amusement.

"Is that all your excited for? Wearing the dress? What about me?" he asked in mock outrage. Yuki blushed and looked at her feet.

"That's not what I meant," she mumbled through her chagrin. Kaname laughed and gently nudged her with her elbow.

"I was merely joking, love," he bent down slightly to whisper in her ear. "You're going to look beautiful." Yuki's blush deepened and she held Kaname's arm tighter, looking pleased. They walked in amicable silence down the streets and past the church where they were to be married. Both of their smiled grew as they saw it. Yuki suggested they take a small detour through the sakura tree park across the street from the church before returning to Yuki's house.

They strolled through the trees, talking about last minute wedding details. Yuki stopped in front of a young sakura tree with fresh buds. She leaned in and caressed one of them.

"Can you imagine how beautiful this will be when it's fully bloomed Kaname?" Kaname hummed quietly in response, already imagining Yuki walking down an isle of pink blossoms toward him. Yuki looked up at the tightly closed buds. She seemed content to gaze at the small furled spheres, so Kaname stood silently beside her, preserving the peaceful atmosphere.

He was staring into the expanse of sakura trees, imagining them in full bloom, when he heard it. A high, quavering sound that swelled around him and filled the air. An intricate melody weaved through the budding sakura trees and captivated him. Kaname froze and strained his ears for the source of the sound. It resonated through his being and he felt peace softly settle over him.

Kaname grabbed Yuki's arm and began pulling her through the trees. He blindly walked, following the sound. Yuki cried Kaname's name in alarm. Her feet caught in the roots underfoot and she tripped many times, but Kaname didn't seem to notice. He kept the same pace and sometimes even tugged her arm so she matched his stride. Then, suddenly as he had torn through the trees, Kaname stopped. Yuki crashed into him and looked at his back in confusion. She touched his shoulder, but Kaname didn't turn around. He was staring at a figure under the Sakura trees.

A tall silver-haired man in a dark suit played a violin under a sakura tree's sweeping branches. The fingers on his left hand moved rapidly as he played, pressing the strings for the notes of his beautiful song. His eyes were closed. His face was serene, as if he heard nothing but the music he was playing. Kaname watched the man's willowy form, transfixed.

"He—hello," Kaname blurted suddenly. The flow of music stopped abruptly. The clearing filled with silence for a moment before the man slowly lowered his violin and opened his eyes. Yuki gasped and Kaname felt his own eyes widen. The man's eyes looked colorless, but the sunlight that fell through the trees illuminated them, revealing a slight hint of lavender. The man blinked several times before nodding his head and murmuring a greeting in response. The quiet sound of the man's voice brought Kaname back to himself. "Sorry to disturb you," he said politely, "but I heard you playing and I—I—," Kaname stuttered, unable to put his sudden reaction into words. He took a deep breath.

"I wanted to know who it was," Kaname said, looking to the man's right. He found he could not concentrate properly while looking at his light eyes. The man continued looking steadily at him, but didn't say anything. Kaname remained silent as well and, after a moment, the man turned away to leave. Kaname didn't want the man to go, but he wasn't sure how to keep him there. "Ah—wait!" he blurted. "My name is Kaname Kuran!" Kaname looked at him, hoping he could learn his name too. The man didn't respond again, so Kaname decided to keep talking; anything to make him stay. "You play beautifully," he said in a soft voice.

The man gave him a strained smile. "Thank you," he said quietly. He checked his watch and started backing away simultaneously. "I'm sorry, I have to leave." The man turned away and walked briskly out of the clearing before Kaname could say anything else.

"Wai—," Kaname started to call out, but he let the word die on his lips when he saw the edge of the man's coat disappear among the trees. Kaname felt his shoulders droop. He looked down at Yuki. She looked up at his face with troubled eyes. "Kaname… Are you feeling alright?"

Kaname shrugged and took her hand. He led her out to the pathway and they began to walk. Yuki let go of his hand and looped her arm through his. She looked up at him again. "Ka—"

"Wasn't his playing beautiful Yuki?" Kaname looked ahead of them, but Yuki wasn't sure if he actually saw where they were.

"It was strange Kaname," she tried to say firmly. She didn't know why, but the entire experience had rubbed her the wrong way, especially Kaname's behavior now. "Why was he playing here? Don't you think it's odd Kaname?" Yuki bit her lip, hoping to see Kaname frown and tell her she was right. Instead, he did the opposite. He smiled and Yuki once again had the feeling he wasn't seeing his immediate surroundings. "It was wonderful. I don't think I've ever heard such beautiful music. I think we were very lucky to see him today." Yuki made a non-committal noise in the back of her throat, to which Kaname responded, almost angrily. "It was peaceful there. You'd play piano there too, if you could."

"I suppose…" Yuki said, slowly stroking Kaname's arm. "Kaname, what time are you coming tomorrow morning? We have to visit the bakery." Kaname started and looked down at her. "Really?" he paused. "Actually sweetheart, I won't be able to come tomorrow. I have to settle Grandpa's assets. He's becoming sicker and wants me to do it soon. I don't want to keep him waiting. You understand, don't you?" Kaname gave Yuki a smile.

She pouted and huffed. Kaname smiled wider and brushed her bangs away from her forehead. "I'm sure you and your mother can choose a design better than I. Besides, all I care about is the taste." He elbowed her gently and she let out a reluctant giggle. Kaname slipped his hand around her waist and hugged her softly. "I have to get you home, or your mother will think we've eloped." Yuki smiled and snuggled into him for a moment before pulling away. They slowly made their way through the trees back to the main road.

Even as they walked further from the clearing, Kaname's mind remained immersed in the image of the sunlit violin player. When they reached Yuki's house, Kaname kissed her cheek lightly. "I'll come by tomorrow evening. Tell your mother and father for me alright?" Yuki nodded and shut the door behind her. Kaname turned and began walking home. On an impulse, he took the longer route back home. As soon as Kaname was away from Yuki, his mind immediately went back to the violin player. The musician's heartbreakingly beautiful music flooded his mind and Kaname felt himself relax again. Kaname saw the handsome man's peaceful expression and felt an overwhelming desire to return to the clearing and bask in the player's music. He closed his eyes and listened to the music in his mind.

"Are you alright son?" a concerned looking neighbor's voice broke through his music induced reverie. Kaname cleared his throat and tried to look normal. "Yes I am Mr. Stevens. Thank you for your concern." He smiled brightly and blindly grasped for the doorknob behind him, hoping for a quick getaway. He pushed the door open behind him and tried to walk through backwards, but ended up tripping through into the dark interior. He quickly shut the door behind him and hoped Mr. Stevens wouldn't think he was losing it. Kaname shook his hands and feet, trying to shake off the strange feeling that filled him now.

After this morning's walk, Kaname decided he was ravenous and walked through the short hallway into the kitchen. He set a kettle to boil on the stove and rummaged through the cupboards until he found some bread. Kaname slapped it on a plate and sat down at the small table. He chewed on the corner of it absentmindedly while waiting for the water to boil. Kaname's thoughts became an almost incoherent jumble. The only thing that was clear in his mind was a pair of light lavender eyes. Kaname remained lost in his thoughts until a hand shook his shoulder. A groan escaped his lips and he opened his eyes slowly. He was slumped across the table and there was now weak sunlight streaming through the window, making the kitchen looking like an alien space.

"Kaname!" a female voice exclaimed, "Why did you fall asleep in here? You could have burned the house down!" So that was what had happened he thought groggily. It would explain why he felt so stiff and why everything was so dark all of a sudden. He stretched and slowly pushed himself up. As his mind began to emerge from the drowsiness, Kaname felt the last threads of a now familiar melody fade away from his consciousness. He glanced up at the figure standing over him.

"Good evening mother," he said, holding back a yawn.

"Good evening indeed! How long have you been slumped on the kitchen table in that ungraceful manner?" she asked indignantly.

"I'm not—"

"Is that all you had for lunch?" she interrupted. "A slice of bread and a tea kettle full of nothing?" She pushed him out of his chair. "Go change and I'll start dinner right away so you can get some food in you!" Kaname rumpled his hair and looked at her reproachfully. His mother glared right back and waved a wooden spoon in his face. "And if I ever see you leave something unattended in the kitchen like that again, I'll skin you head to toe!" With that last threat, she pushed Kaname out of the kitchen.

Kaname stumbled into the hallway and slowly climbed up the stairs. He reached the landing and walked across the hall to the door that was slightly ajar. He pushed it open all the way. He walked in and dropped his jacket on the floor near his bed. Being too lazy to grab his dinner jacket, he decided to go to dinner in just his shirtsleeves. Kaname gently slipped his engagement ring off his finger and put it on his desk. He looked at the small circle resting on his table for a moment contemplatively before exiting his room.

Dinner was mostly silent for Kaname. His mother asked some questions about the tailor's, but other than being directly asked, Kaname didn't volunteer any information.

"Yuki, her mother, and you are going to the bakery tomorrow, correct?" his mother inquired. Kaname almost choked on his rice, remembering his earlier excuse that wouldn't work with his mother now. He cleared his throat. "Actually mom, Yuki said I didn't need to accompany her tomorrow. I think she wants to try on her dress again and she doesn't want me to see her in it."

"Oh, alright" his mother said, "then that means you can help me with your marriage announcement for the paper tomorrow."

"I said I was meeting someone tomorrow, mom. I'm going to be out all afternoon." Kaname's mother shrugged and began talking to his father. Kaname tried to feel relieved, but all he felt was a queasy sensation in his stomach. He pushed his rice into small piles on his plate, feeling guilty about his fibbing. Kaname bit the inside of his lip and forced himself to finish his dinner. As soon as he was done, he asked to be excused. Once in the kitchen, he grabbed a glass out of the cabinet. He felt horrible lying to his parents and Yuki about his whereabouts tomorrow, but it had just slipped out. Kaname sighed and drank his water in one long draught.

…

Kaname woke early the next morning, excited by the excursion he was going to take. He pulled clothes out of his closet at random and hoped they matched. In his hurry, Kaname forgot to slip on the small silver ring on his desk. He rushed out of his room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen for breakfast. Kaname ate whatever he found and almost ran into the hallway. He pulled on his shoes, straightened his coat, and was prepared to step into the world when he realized how light the sky was. Kaname checked his watch. His excitement deflated. It was only 8:30 in the morning. The violin player probably wouldn't be there. After all, he must have other obligations to fulfill during the day.

Kaname sighed and closed the door. He slowly made his way back to his room and just refrained from slamming his door shut. He lay back on his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He breathed out heavily and stayed facedown. They had left the tailor's at about 11:30 in the afternoon yesterday. The park was only about a ten minutes' walk from there. That made it 11:40. When they had gotten to the park, they had walked for…had it been twenty or thirty minutes? Kaname pursed his lips, frustrated that he didn't know the exact amount of time they had walked. Kaname exhaled, twenty minutes; if he was calculating, then he might as well be early. So, twenty minutes plus 11:40, made it noon when he had first heard him. This meant he would be there noon today too, but it was probably better to be early. Then to catch him, Kaname had to be at least fifteen minutes early. It would take him at least a half-an-hour to walk, plus margin time, so that meant he would have to leave his house at exactly 11:05.

Satisfied with his calculations, Kaname turned over to face the ceiling. He raised his hand to his face and looked at his watch: 8:40. He let his arm fall back down and let out a deep sigh. He had two hours and twenty-five minutes to waste until he had a reasonable excuse to leave the house. Kaname folded his arms behind his head and stretched, hoping that some deep breathing would relax him.

Eventually, he sank into a stupor. His subconscious began to conjure up images that were close to dreams, but with a scarier spin on them. His mind wandered from dark rooms, overgrown forests, and even to a strange parallel version of his own house. Throughout all these differing dreams, a single song played over and over again. It was a comforting companion that followed him to each dreamscape. It was a warm friend that kept the images from turning grotesque. Kaname snuggled deeper into his bed.

"Kaname! Wake up! It's almost 11:30!" his mother's muffled voice came from the hallway outside his room. "What kind of respectable young man stays in bed this late?" she grumbled from the other side of the door. Kaname rolled his eyes and turned over. Her words only registered as superficial nagging at first, but something dug into the back of his brain until he sat bolt upright. His mother had said it was almost 11:30. He was going to be late!

Kaname jumped out of bed and grabbed his jacket. He yanked the door open and ran past his surprised mother. She called after him to eat breakfast.

"Already did!" he yelled, pounding down the stairs.

"Lunch then!"

"Don't need it!" he yelled again before slamming the door shut. Kaname took off down his street at a run. He kept running until he caught sight of the clock tower two streets from his house. He stopped abruptly in the street and bent over, breathing hard. He had been berating himself for being late when the clock tower said it was only 10:30. He breathed out heavily and began berating himself for listening to his mother. He was now thirty-five minutes early! Damn his mother's dysfunctional time telling! Kaname straightened and glanced around himself. What was he supposed to do in the extra time? He deliberated for a moment and shrugged, deciding to walk to the park anyway. Maybe if he walked really slowly…

Kaname took measured steps as he walked through town. Occasionally, he would stop at some windows and inspect what was inside. As he passed the bank and the bakery (which were, oddly enough, situated right next to each other), he felt the weight of his lie settle on him again. He walked by quickly and hoped that Yuki wasn't anywhere near the bakery yet. He had almost walked by the bank when he saw a flash of silver. His heart started beating loudly and he backtracked until he could peer through the window, but there was no one there. Kaname put his hands in his pockets and continued to the park.

When he reached the park, he was, as he had feared, much too early. It was 11:05, the time he was supposed to start. He sighed and decided to make a few circuits around the park. He stayed in the shadows of the giant sakura trees, even though he shivered a couple of times in the deepest shadows the sun hadn't warmed yet. The trees swept over him, blocking the sky with their branches. He stared, awed by their grace and beauty. The sun eventually strengthened and lit the small sakura buds. A handful had already bloomed, and the sun shone through them, making the petals seem almost papery. Kaname almost plucked the small blossom off the tree, but decided it was better off left alone. He made one more round before he deemed it was acceptable to start waiting.

Kaname cut across the park, stepping over the gnarled roots of the trees. By his estimate, the spot should be somewhat straight ahead. Kaname remembered passing by an old wooden bench just before he had heard the music. He walked through the trees carefully, trying to spot something he remembered from yesterday. After pushing through a few more branches, he spotted the edge of a dark wooden bench between the trees. Smiling, he made his way to it slowly. It was covered in leaves and looked like it hadn't been used in the last twenty years. Kaname gingerly brushed the leaves on it and tried to sit down, but it groaned and he heard it crack in several places. Kaname had a moment of panic before he shook his head and decided to sit on the ground next to it. He rested his chin on his hands and felt his elbow dig into his thigh. He sighed and thought of Yuki looking at cake designs by herself. He felt his stomach curl in on itself. Kaname should have been with her, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to move. It really didn't matter all that much to him now.

Kaname thought of when he had first met Yuki. She had been sweet and gentle, but what he had liked the most was her energy and relentless smile. He smiled now as he thought of their first meeting, but in seconds an unbidden image of colorless eyes appeared. Kaname straightened quickly and almost hit himself on the head. He shook his head and tried to throw the image away, but it didn't work. The harder he tried, the more his brain pushed memories of the man at him. He remembered the way his fingers had moved along the violin and how his lips were turned down slightly, as if he was dissatisfied with something. Kaname pushed back against his brain. All he wanted to do was apologize for barging in yesterday and maybe find out his name. Why did his brain have to remind him of all this unnecessary stuff?

Kaname froze when he heard the first long notes of a violin. Excitement bubbled in his chest as he listened to a slow series of scales. The music stopped for a moment and Kaname could almost taste his anticipation in the air. Then, the player started a complex melody, different from the one that had been running continuously in Kaname's head for the last day. Kaname almost ran into the clearing at the sound of the first notes, but something stopped him. He listened in silence for a minute, letting the music wash over him. As Kaname listened, he felt something loosen in his chest and he relaxed completely. Feeling content, he slowly stood up and waited for the music to come to a close.

When it finally slowed, Kaname carefully began stepping over the roots of the trees, hoping he didn't make too much noise. He ducked under a branch and walked into the clearing. The man had his back turned toward him and was slowly moving the bow across the strings for one last quavering note. Kaname waited until he was still and cleared his throat. The man's back stiffened and he whirled around to face Kaname in the same instant. Kaname's eyes widened and he almost took a step back. Yesterday the man had been startled and wary, but today he looked annoyed and furious.

Kaname stood frozen in shock for a moment before clearing his throat nervously. "Hello, I'm not sure if you remember me…" Kaname trailed off. The look on the man's face clearly said he remembered and did not want him there. Kaname felt himself shrink back. "Your playing was so beautiful yesterday and I know I already said that, but I wanted to apologize for interrupting so suddenly yesterday and I guess for today too… I just wanted to listen, if it's possible I mean. I don't want to impose…" Kaname wrung his hands together and looked at the man hopefully. The man was still glaring, but his glare softened a little around the edges as he took in Kaname's stuttering form. He pursed his lips and jerked his chin in the direction of the base of a tree. Kaname took it to be an assenting motion, but he still stayed where he stood.

"If I may, can I ask your name?" Kaname refrained from biting his lip. It might have been too much to ask so soon. The man's eyes narrowed and his lips became a thin line. His expression clearly said that he didn't want to, but Kaname still heard a low voice say: "Zero Kiryuu."

"Nice to meet you," Kaname said hesitantly, still trying to preserve an atmosphere of politeness. Zero looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes, but he nodded and turned away from Kaname. Kaname made his way to the base of the tree Zero had indicated and sat down. Zero waited until Kaname stopped making noise and raised his violin again. The first notes were shaky and sounded nervous, even though Zero's demeanor said he was anything but. As Zero became more comfortable, however, the music began to pour out unrestrainedly.

Kaname leaned back on the tree trunk and watched Zero's back. He was glad he hadn't run away. Zero's music was definitely worth it. Kaname leaned back and closed his eyes. He finally felt happy and at peace. Zero ran through several different pieces and to Kaname's contentment, played the one he had heard yesterday. When Zero finally stopped, Kaname kept his eyes closed. He let himself memorize how he felt at the moment and then slowly opened his eyes. He jumped slightly when he realized that Zero was watching him. The expression on his face was unreadable, but Kaname felt the intensity of Zero's gaze piercing his body. Zero blinked and broke eye contact as soon as he realized Kaname was staring back at him.

Kaname breathed a sigh of relief when Zero looked away. Zero's eyes were so strange! It was uncomfortable for Kaname to look directly into them. He felt like Zero could almost read his thoughts. Zero grabbed his case and gently laid his violin down in the velvet.

"Thank you very much," Kaname said loudly so Zero heard him. Zero snapped the top shut. "Uh huh," he said.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" Kaname ventured. He wasn't sure how Zero would take it. Zero looked at Kaname appraisingly. "I don't know," he said and walked away. Kaname slumped back onto the tree, disappointed by the lack of a definitive answer. It was probably better than he could hope for, however, judging by Zero's behavior. At least he had a name to put with his face now though. Zero… How come he had never seen him before?

…..

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. He visited Yuki and oohed and ahhed over the designs she had selected. He helped choose the type of flowers she wanted for her bouquet. His choice was sakura, but she wanted white orchids. They finally compromised on white lilies with pink throats. He also played with the ring bearer and flower girl (Yuki's little brother and sister). Kaname laughed and smiled many times that night, but it wasn't genuine. He felt like there was something missing, something that wasn't quite right. The happiness he had expected wasn't there. Yuki noted his tiredness later on in the night and gently stroked his face.

"I think you need some sleep, love. Go home, I'll tell you the rest later." Kaname tried to smile at her, but it came out more as a grimace. He was tired. He cringed internally at the thought of hearing more wedding arrangements tomorrow, but he told her she was right and grabbed his jacket. Yuki helped him button it up and walked him to the front door. She looked at him with concern. Yuki smoothed the front of his jacket and held his hand to her face. "I love you," she whispered. Kaname smiled, but didn't repeat her words. He held her hand for a moment before stepping out into the night.

Kaname let the cool night air soothe him and tried to get rid of the bitter taste that suddenly sprang up in his mouth. He didn't know why, but every time he had to do something else for his wedding, a small rebellious feeling manifested inside him. He didn't want to talk about wedding plans anymore. What more was there to do after all? Everyone couldn't stop talking about it and it infuriated him. He curled his hands into fists; something had shifted, changed, inside of him. Just two days ago he had been brimming with happiness; now all he could feel was restless discontentment. What had changed? What made it so his heart didn't soar when he saw Yuki? What stopped his hands every time he reached out to touch her? What stopped his mouth from telling her all the things he would have before?

Kaname pushed open his front door angrily. He didn't want this to happen. He slipped his shoes off and tried to sneak up the stairs, but his mother intercepted him.

"Did you have dinner dear?"

Kaname gripped the railing and rolled his eyes. "Yes, ma. I'm going to bed." Kaname climbed the stairs and locked himself in his room. He threw his jacket on the chair in front of him and sprawled in bed fully dressed. He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. He pulled his blankets to his chest, but was annoyed with them a moment later and pushed them to the floor. He turned in his bed again. Had he woken up this restless? Kaname closed his eyes tightly and tried to calm down, but the only thing in his mind was how angry he was.

Kaname sighed and decided to go through his day again until he fell asleep. He thought about his morning, his afternoon, and his evening. Kaname realized that the happiest part of his day was the afternoon when he had been listening to Zero play. Kaname stretched and decided that it wouldn't hurt to visit Zero again tomorrow to listen, even though his demeanor was downright acidic. It was the only thing that relaxed him all day and it might be beneficial for him until he sorted out exactly what he was feeling.

….

Kaname woke up late on purpose the next day, on account of wanting to visit Zero. He did everything twice as slow so he didn't have to spend hours twiddling his thumbs like yesterday. Even his mother commented on his strange behavior when he insisted on reading every single article in the paper. Kaname merely shrugged and checked his watch again. At exactly 11:05, Kaname said goodbye to his mother and began walking towards the park. He arrived on time and sat down on the ground next to bench like yesterday. He rested his chin on his knees and stared dejectedly into the trees. He tried to figure out how things had flipped so suddenly. He grinned to himself sardonically, maybe it had to do with the fact that he was sitting on the dirt waiting for a mysterious man to appear with a violin. Speaking of, he glanced at his watch. It said 12:30. Kaname listened to the silence that pressed on his ears. There was no sound of a violin or another person. Had Zero been serious about not coming today? Kaname waited for another five minutes, but he still didn't hear anything. He stood up and looked in the clearing's direction. Kaname deliberated for a moment and walked into it to check.

As soon as he cleared the trees, Kaname began laughing out loud. Zero was on the other side, sprawled on the ground and trying to yank his foot free from a root. It was somewhat mean to laugh, but the sight of Zero unexpectedly lightened Kaname's chest. He crossed the clearing and knelt down beside him. "Do you need some help?" Zero stopped struggling and looked up at Kaname, startled.

"You again? What the hell?" he asked angrily. Zero ignored his offer and continued trying to pull his leg out of the roots. Kaname laughed again in spite of Zero's rude behavior. "You're going to break your ankle!" Kaname said and reached forward to grab his foot, but Zero snapped, "Don't touch me!" Kaname raised his hands and backed away. He sat down and watched Zero silently. Zero seemed extremely stressed and out of sorts. Kaname almost wanted to brush the hair that was falling in his face away, but that was sure to earn him another biting remark. A few seconds later, Zero huffed and sat back on his hands.

"Yes," he said.

"What?"

"Help!" Zero said, frustrated. Kaname waited one moment to let Zero hear his own words and then moved to his ensnared foot. It was twisted at an odd angle and would take some gentle maneuvering, not the frantic yanking Zero had tried. Kaname held his foot gently and freed it. Zero gasped and pulled his foot toward himself. He gently massaged his ankle and untied his shoe. Zero took it off and dropped it next to him. "Thanks," Zero muttered out of the side of his mouth. Kaname nodded and settled down a few paces from him.

"Why are you here?" Zero asked suddenly, looking at him.

"I just wanted to hear you play," Kaname responded.

Zero looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Are you a stalker?" Kaname stared at Zero, dumbfounded.

"Excuse me?"

Zero glared at him. "Are you some kind of freaky stalker?"

Kaname gaped. "No! What's your problem?" he asked vehemently. "I told you, I enjoy hearing you play! Is there something wrong with that?" Zero shook his head disbelievingly, which set Kaname off more. Under his breath he muttered "self-centered bastard".

This time Zero gaped at him. "Interrupting _my_ time, encroaching on _my_ space, and being persistently annoying, you don't call _that_ being a bastard?" Kaname shook his head and stood up angrily. He had started the day hoping he could figure out why he was so angry and Kaname thought he'd finally found the reason.

"I just wanted to listen to some beautiful music because it made me feel…I don't know…but I can't understand how an asshole like you could play such music in the first place!" Kaname finished, breathing heavily, and glared at Zero. Kaname gave him a disgusted look and walked away, intending to leave. He almost disappeared past the circle of trees when his angry energy suddenly vanished. Kaname felt it drain out of him and he sat down heavily where he was standing. It was strange. Kaname had never fought with anyone like this. He was angry…furious at Zero…but also felt strangely exhilarated. Kaname knew it wouldn't be the same if he fought with Yuki. This was ugly, but Kaname at the same time felt freer and more himself. Apart from that, he was still fuming. He buried his head in his arms and tried to control his breathing.

Kaname didn't know how much time passed, but his breathing and heart rate finally returned to normal. He stood up immediately to leave the clearing.

"Hold on!" Zero called. Kaname paused, but didn't turn around. "I—I'm sorry," he said. Kaname held his breath, but stayed turned away from Zero. "I was wrong and I overreacted. This is the only time alone I get and I was just angry that it was being interrupted. I don't usually play for people, so I was uncomfortable. I shouldn't have made assumptions. I'm sorry." Kaname stood silently, weighing Zero's words. He was still upset with Zero, but Zero had volunteered an apology when Kaname hadn't expected one.

Kaname turned around. "You probably shouldn't call people stalkers," he said. Zero looked embarrassed and played with his fingers.

"Sorry. If you'd like, I can play something for you tomorrow, to make up for my behavior today…" Zero's voice trailed off by the end of the sentence and he continued to look down at the ground. Kaname paused, wondering if he was serious or if it was just his guilt. Eventually, he nodded and said, "That would be nice."

Zero looked relieved. He almost smiled and held out his hand. "I'll see you tomorrow?" Kaname took his hand and shook it firmly. "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow."

…..

Kaname sat at the small table in the kitchen eating oatmeal. He was waiting for it to be 11:05 again. He pursed his lips and pushed around his oatmeal. His days were beginning to run together. They primarily revolved around him lounging around all day waiting for Zero, the man who had called him a stalker. Kaname began to think that he should work in his father's bookstore again, for something to do, but his dad had said that since the wedding was coming, his main focus should be on preparations. Once upon a time, that would have been acceptable, but now he felt like a man without a purpose. But he didn't mind too much because the trade-off was worth it. There was something special about Zero. Kaname had fought tooth and nail with that man and said some things that his mother would have burned his tongue off for, but he had still felt a connection to Zero. It was something that Kaname had never felt and couldn't explain. There was something there and he would keep going back as long as it called to him.

Kaname rinsed his bowl and placed it in the sink. Zero also promised to play for me today, he thought. That was something he couldn't miss. Kaname left the house in silence and walked at his own pace. He tried not to, but he thought about Zero the entire way there. Maybe it was inevitable, seeing as he was meeting him, but Kaname couldn't help lingering over small details from their past meetings: like Zero's eyes, his voice, the way he played, the continually downturned lips…

Kaname stepped directly into the clearing instead of waiting by the bench. He was right on time because Zero was on the other side fussing with his violin. Zero looked up when Kaname entered. His right hand held the neck of his violin tighter and his left hand twitched upwards, as if to wave, but he didn't. The awkwardness in the air was stifling and Kaname almost smacked his forehead. He had half a mind to walk out of the clearing and hope his life would return to normal. Instead, he did the exact opposite of what he was thinking and walked over to Zero. It seemed to Kaname that that was what always happened when he was near him.

"This is sufficiently awkward," Kaname said when he reached him. He hoped it would lighten the dense atmosphere around them. Zero laughed nervously, but he did relax slightly after Kaname had spoken.

"So…what do you want me to play?" Zero asked off-handedly. Ah, the offer _was_ still valid. Kaname smiled.

"How about the one you were playing when I first interrupted you?" Zero nodded and picked up his bow from its case at his feet. Kaname sat down in the grass and closed his eyes, deciding it would make it less awkward for Zero. There was silence for a few moments as Zero readied himself and then the first notes of the song filled the air.

As soon as Zero began playing, the awkwardness disappeared. The atmosphere surrounding the two became relaxed and Kaname sank into the music. He leaned back and rested his weight on his hands. It was the music's magic again. Kaname was as spellbound as he had been the very first day. He smiled to himself and was still smiling when the piece came to an end. He looked up at Zero as the latter lowered his bow. When their eyes met, everything shifted. A barrier that had been present before dissolved. Kaname felt exposed and vulnerable, but the look on Zero's face told him he felt the same way. Then it was okay. Kaname smiled softly at Zero and surprisingly, Zero smiled back. It was the first time Kaname had seen Zero smile. It lit up his entire face. His eyes glowed and he looked surprisingly…handsome…

Zero broke eye-contact first, but his icy shell had melted and he sat down next to Kaname comfortably. He pulled his violin case closer to him and began putting his violin away. Kaname froze at his sudden movement and found that he suddenly couldn't move with Zero so close to him. Zero grabbed a small metal box from the ground and opened it. He took out a sandwich and looked at Kaname. "Do you mind?" Kaname, still somewhat frozen, shrugged.

"I don't go home for lunch, so I just bring it with me."

Something in that sentence struck Kaname as odd. "Lunch?" he echoed.

"This is my lunch hour," Zero said. "I like to come here and play during it." He smiled at Kaname. "Did you think I popped in and out of existence?" His comment snapped Kaname back into reality.

"That seems so normal," Kaname mused. Zero laughed out loud. "I work at the bank and it's easy to walk here." Kaname was stunned at this new information. Even though he wouldn't admit it, Zero had always seemed ethereal to Kaname, like he was a magical fairy or something. It was odd hearing proof that he was only human.

"That's so strange," Kaname said, still following his own train of thoughts.

Zero's eyebrows furrowed. "That I walk here?" he asked. Kaname ignored him. "Thank you for playing for me," he said. Zero, whose mouth was full of his sandwich nodded. He took a huge swallow and said, "You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Who is it by?" Kaname asked.

"Me, I write music in my spare time."

"Really?" Kaname asked with wide eyes. He was floored. He had never heard such beautiful music in his entire life and the composer was sitting right next to him. Zero looked at his sandwich, embarrassed.

"My mother, father, and brother used to love listening to me play, but you're the only one now," Zero said. He stared at the ground, suddenly in another time and place.

"I'm…the only one?" Kaname asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer. Zero kept silent for a moment before looking into Kaname's eyes. Kaname felt his heart twist at the sadness he saw in them. It was like he could drown in it.

"There was an earthquake last year. They died when the house collapsed. I'm the only one left." Zero said this all in an even and controlled voice, but Kaname could hear the pain in each word. Without thinking, he took Zero's hand and held it. He squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry," Kaname said. Zero nodded, but kept staring at the ground. His hand did tighten around Kaname's however. They sat in silence for a few moments before Zero spoke again.

"I was visiting Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai when it happened. They were my parents' good friends, so they took me in after." His hand grasped Kaname's hand so tightly Kaname couldn't feel his fingers. Zero continued to stare morosely at the ground and Kaname was sure he was remembering that horrible day, but he didn't know what to say. He hoped Zero could feel his sincerity and the comfort he was trying to express through their intertwined hands. Kaname heard Zero sniff and looked over in time to see him trying to discreetly wipe his eyes with his other hand. Kaname frowned and reached up with the hand Zero was holding to brush Zero's hair away from his face. Zero, startled by his touch, turned to face him.

"Your mother wouldn't want to see you like this. I think she's smiling that you're still here. You shouldn't make her sad." It was pretty bad, consolation-wise. Zero seemed to think so too because he rolled his eyes, but he did slip his hand out of Kaname's and sit up straighter.

"I suppose, thanks," he said. They sat together for another five minutes, then Zero picked up his things and stood up. "I have to go. See you…later." Kaname smiled at him and remained seated. Even though they were going the same way, Kaname thought it would be weird for them to leave together. After Zero disappeared, Kaname lay back on the ground and looked into the canopy of tree branches.

There were small patches of blue sky visible and the sun fell on his body in strange shapes. He felt the hand that had held Zero's tingle, but ignored it, telling himself it was because he was allergic to grass. Bits and pieces from their conversation floated inside his head. He examined each one and pushed it to the back of his mind again. Zero worked in a bank. His entire family was killed in an earthquake last year. He composed music in his free time. He lived with Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai. He wasn't a figment of Kaname's imagination. His hand was soft and warm, but his fingers were calloused. He was extremely good-looking.

Kaname paused at the last thought. Was he? He thought of Zero's smiling face, but quickly dismissed it. He shouldn't have been thinking like that in the first place. But, being the traitor his mind was, it pushed more images of Zero at him. It even reminded him of the moment right after Zero finished playing the song Kaname had requested: that electric moment when Kaname's brain and body had simultaneously shut-down. Kaname dismissed his thoughts again and sternly told himself to stop thinking about Zero. It didn't help, however, because he suddenly remembered how it had felt to hold Zero's hand and how protective he had felt as he tucked his hair behind his ear. Kaname closed his eyes. He could allow himself a moment of these feelings…a moment and nothing more…

…..

Kaname was getting dressed, only half-awake, when he heard a knocking on his door. He quickly finished buttoning up his shirt and called, "Come in!" His father peeked around the door.

"It's Saturday Kaname. Can you deposit the money from the store today?" Kaname slipped on his waistcoat and began doing up those buttons as well.

"Of course dad, I'll go right now."

"Thanks kiddo." His dad smiled. Kaname smiled too and grabbed a light weight coat from his closet. After slipping on his engagement ring, Kaname left his room and went down the stairs. The envelope with this week's earnings was sitting on the kitchen table. Kaname grabbed a quick piece of bread and left with the envelope. While he was walking, Kaname concentrated very hard on road in front of him. He tried not to think of the fact that he was going to the _bank_ and he might just see Zero. This lucky coincidence didn't make him happy at all… At least, that's what Kaname tried to tell himself.

He got to the bank in record time. He tried to reach for the door handle, but his fingers didn't obey. It wasn't until someone cleared their throat behind him that he jumped and pulled the door open. Kaname smiled at the man behind him and let him go through the door first. The man gave him a strange look as he passed through. Kaname sighed and told himself to get a grip. It was only a trip to the bank, something he did almost every Saturday. This Saturday wasn't any different.

He shut the door behind him. Sunlight streamed through the windows of the bank, lighting up the large wrap-around desk that spanned the entire room. It wasn't too crowded, but there was a small line formed in front of the door. Kaname automatically scanned the three teller windows for Zero and to his delight or maybe mortification, he was there. Kaname did his best to remain still, but he couldn't help nervously tapping his envelope.

The customer in front at Zero's window left and Zero looked past him to the next person in line. As waved the next person to his window, he spotted Kaname. Zero's eyes widened and he looked confused. Kaname tried to smile, but it might have turned out more like a grimace because he was so nervous. Zero's eyes moved from him to the man in front of him. He smiled at the man and the man gave him a small black book through the window. Kaname's nervousness disappeared and he frowned. It had been four days before Kaname was able to see Zero's smile. Why was he handing them out here like free candy? Kaname's frown deepened and he glared at Zero, hoping the latter could feel his reproach.

The line shortened as the other two tellers called people up to their windows and Kaname found himself next in line. Zero handed the man in front of his window his black book back and looked expectantly at Kaname, as if he had known it would turn out this way. Kaname chewed the inside of his cheek as he walked up to Zero. He hoped he didn't look nervous or like he was about to throw up, which, he was. "Hi," Kaname said. Zero looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Don't you have a job?" Kaname was speechless for a moment. He was about to respond with a sharp comeback when a voice called Zero's name.

"Zero! Don't talk to customers like that!" An elderly man with gray hair rebuked. He stood behind Zero with his arms crossed. Zero glanced back at him, looking guilty.

"He's a friend," Zero explained. The man loosened his arms and the line between his eyebrows smoothed out.

"Oh," he said. "Still, please be more polite, there are other customers around and it's my reputation that's on the line, not yours." Zero smiled apologetically, "Sorry." The man patted Zero on the back and moved away to the other tellers. After he left, Zero turned to Kaname.

"So," he said. "How may I help you?" Zero smiled a sweet smile that was a little too wide to be natural. Kaname sighed exasperatedly.

"For your information, I work at my father's bookstore and I'm here to deposit _this_." He slid his envelope through the semi-circle cut through the glass along with his father's bank book. Zero took them both and asked the teller next to him if he knew Kaname. The teller looked up and nodded. Before he turned back to his customer, he gave Kaname a little wave. Kaname smiled and looked back at Zero, feeling vindicated. "I also come here _every_ Saturday." Zero nodded distractedly and added the new amount. He opened the book to the right page and scribbled the new number. He got up and walked back to the work area behind the teller counter. He pulled out a large and heavy looking ledger to record the amount in the bank's records.

Kaname watched him work. It was interesting to see Zero serious about something other than his violin. His hair kept falling in his eyes and he'd push it back irritably, only to have it do the same thing. Kaname watched the way Zero slowly ran his finger down the list of names and the little tapping motion he made with his other hand. When he finally found Kaname's family records, Zero's nose was about an inch from the page as he wrote down the new amount in the ledger. Kaname thought his motions were strangely endearing and felt happiness bubble in chest as he watched him. The buoyant feeling almost made him laugh out loud. As Zero put the book back on its correct shelf, Kaname finally realized what he felt. It had clicked: the feeling that had turned his life upside down.

When Zero returned and handed his father's bank book back to him, Kaname thanked him with a bright smile. Zero looked surprised by his exuberance, but smiled back. Kaname was about to ask him about his lunch break, but the older gray haired man walked behind Zero's chair.

"Are you done Zero? You're going to be late." Zero looked back at him and said, "Almost."

"Late for what?" Kaname asked curiously. The gray hired man answered. "The fitting for his new suit. Zero's getting married. Didn't he tell you?" Kaname had been nodding along with the man's words, but by the end stood frozen with shock. Kaname looked at Zero in disbelief. Zero looked back at him.

"No, he didn't. Congratulations Zero." Kaname smiled automatically and Zero said a quiet thank-you. The man clapped Zero on the back.

"Yes, he's going to be my favorite son-in-law, not to mention my only one," the man laughed. Kaname's mind numbly registered that this was Mr. Kurenai, the man who had taken Zerro in. Kaname quietly said his congratulations again and left without saying goodbye to Zero. He walked out in the street and back to his house. The only thing he could hear in his mind was Mr. Kurenai's voice saying 'married' over and over again.


	2. Under the Cherry Blossom Trees

After the service ended, Zero descended the church steps with Maria. There was a small group of churchgoers lingering in the courtyard. Wives chatted and gossiped with other wives, husbands laughed robustly and discussed superficial matters, and young girls and boys ran and played gaily. Maria tucked her hand into Zero's elbow as they prepared to enter the fray. As soon as they stepped onto the cobblestone courtyard, a gaggle of women descended upon them. Gloved hands steered Zero and Maria into the middle of an excited looking group of middle aged women.

"Zero, Maria, Congratulations!" a woman exclaimed. She smiled widely and clapped her hands. The other women nodded and one fondly stroked Maria's hair.

"Thank you Mrs. Burberry," Zero and Maria said in unison. She leaned in closer, "So," she said conspiratorially, "When is it?" Zero and Maria looked at each for a moment and Maria decided to answer. "It's going to be in about two months," she said. Mrs. Burberry and all the other women quickly shared a look.

"So soon, dear? What's the hurry?" She leaned in again and it seemed to Zero that she had a slightly predatory look in her face. Maria looked confused for a moment, but quickly rallied.

"My parents and Zero's parents always wanted us to be married, even when we were children. My parents didn't see a reason to delay the inevitable, so it doesn't seem rushed to us at all. It's just the right time," Maria finished. She smiled at the surrounding ladies and gripped Zero's arm tighter in her tension. He smiled automatically too. Mrs. Burberry nodded as if she understood completely and patted Maria's upper arm.

"Of course, you two look like a match made in heaven. Tell your parents I'm very happy for them. Have a good day," she said. Maria smiled at the ladies and Zero inclined his head slightly. As they walked out of the circle, Zero and Maria clearly heard one of the women furiously whisper "most definitely pregnant". Zero felt his mouth drop open in outrage and almost turned around to vehemently deny the false claim, but Maria tightened the grip on his arm. She gave him a look that clearly said to ignore them. He looked down at her disbelievingly and gestured toward the women. Maria rolled her eyes and whispered.

"Let them gossip. It's all they have to do anyway." Zero shook his head angrily, "I can't let them talk about you in that way. It's degrading." Maria smiled and patted his arm. "We know what the truth is. Therefore, their speculations don't have any meaning." Zero didn't agree with her reasoning, but decided it was best to remain quiet or there would be even more gossip about them.

They stood to one side of the crowd, hoping to see Maria's parents, and in Zero's mind, to stay as far away as possible from the vicious gossipers as they could. He sighed heavily. It seemed like it was going to be a very long day. Maria mistook his sigh as disagreement to her previous comment and began speaking.

"I am a girl Zero. I am part of their species. I understand them. It's best to…" the rest of her sentence faded away as soon as Zero saw a mahogany haired man between the people in the crowd. His arm automatically shot into the and he waved. Kaname didn't seem to notice him and was glancing around the crowd, so Zero stood on his tip-toes and waved again. The movement caught Kaname's attention and he looked in Zero's direction.

Their eyes met and Zero smiled. He closed his hand into a loose fist and turned it so his watch faced Kaname. He tried to emphasize the watch and hoped Kaname would understand his invitation: even though it was Sunday, Zero was going to practice. Zero waited for a sign of acknowledgement, a smile, a nod, something, but Kaname only turned away as if he hadn't noticed him. Zero waved again, frustrated that Kaname hadn't responded, but now all he could see was the back of Kaname's mahogany head. Zero lowered his arm and frowned.

"Who was that?" Maria asked curiously. He looked at her distractedly with furrowed eyebrows. "He is a friend. I don't understand why he didn't acknowledge me," Zero said, mostly to himself.

"Maybe he didn't see you," Maria suggested. Zero dismissed the thought immediately. "He knew I was there," he said. There was no mistake. Zero had locked eyes with Kaname. He remembered the strange feeling in the tips of his fingers and toes. There must have been something wrong. Most likely Kaname would stop by the clearing and Zero could ask him. In the moment their eyes met, Kaname had seemed empty, but somehow pained.

Zero walked Maria through the crowd and quickly found Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai. They were talking to the same women from before and Zero felt his anger bubble up inside him again. He deftly slipped into their circle and Maria interrupted their conversation.

"Mama, Papa, we're running late." Mrs. Kurenai motioned them to wait for a moment and Mrs. Burberry took the opportunity to jump in.

"Why, Zero, Maria, I was just telling your parents what a wonderful couple you two made." Zero almost gagged at her fake sweet smile and had to force himself not to say anything. Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai smiled at Mrs. Burberry and took their leave. The four of them walked slowly down the road back to their house. Zero glanced behind him to see if he could spot Kaname, but all he saw was a mess of people and overly bright colors.

As soon as Mr. Kurenai shut the front door, Zero climbed the stairs to his room and retrieved his violin. He descended the stairs and told Mrs. Kurenai that he was taking a walk.

"Zero!" Maria cried from the kitchen. "May I accompany you?" Zero winced and called back to her. "I'm sorry Maria, but, no." Maria reappeared in the hallway and put her hands on her hips. "Why ever not?" she asked, glaring at him. Zero struggled to find a polite answer.

"Uhhh," Zero began uncertainly. He couldn't find an adequate answer and didn't want to explain why he needed to go on walks alone. He was beginning to feel anxious and suffocated. Maria looked at him expectantly, but Mrs. Kurenai put a hand on his forearm. "It's alright," she said, "you may go." Zero let out a small sigh of relief and reached for the doorknob.

"No fair!" Maria cried. As Zero closed the door, he heard Mrs. Kurenai say, "Let him go sweetie, he still needs time." Zero's stomach curled into itself at those words, but he was grateful that Mrs. Kurenai understood. To be honest, he thought he would need "time" for the rest of his life. The loss of his family had left a scar on his heart. He still thought about them often, and occasionally, he still could hear his mother's voice in his ears when he woke up. They were nonsensical things, just small snippets of everyday conversation, but it was still her voice. Yesterday he had woken up with the sound of her laughter ringing in his ears and thought for a moment he was at home, but as soon as he threw off his covers, he realized he was in his room at the Kurenai's house. Zero shook his head at his own silliness and tried to ignore how his heart ached for his family and his old life.

The park came into sight as Zero passed the church. He cut across through the trees, soaking up the peaceful atmosphere. It was close to the middle of the day and the trees were gently moving in the wind. The sound of rustling leaves and soft wind enveloped Zero and he let the tension flow out of his body. Instead of walking into the clearing like he usually did, Zero decided to sit down at the base of an old bench not far away. The day was perfectly peaceful.

It was almost a year to his family's passing away. This time last year they had been preparing to visit the Kurenais. They came to this little town every year and visited his parents' best friends. Zero had gone ahead of them last year because his father wanted him to apprentice in Mr. Kurenai's bank. Zero remembered Ichiru, his younger twin brother, begging to go with Zero, but their parents had refused on grounds of Ichiru suddenly falling ill. His mother and father had said that they would join Zero as soon as Ichiru's health improved, but they hadn't come. Instead, Zero received a letter informing him his entire family had died.

Sometimes Zero wondered what would have happened if he had stayed with his family. Would he have perished with them? Would that have been for the best? He would be with them instead of here. He remembered how he had kissed his brother's feverish forehead right before he had left. Zero sighed into his arms. He wished he was with them…his mom, dad, and brother.

Zero looked around the forest morosely. The trees were still swaying gently, small blossoms adorned their branches, and the sun illuminated the grass, making it a fiery green. The forest around him hadn't stopped moving, even as he wished he could stop. Life was evident in the blossoming branches all around him. It was interesting for him to know that the earth was still moving and growing even though he was frozen. As he gazed around himself at the trees, Zero realized that that wasn't quite true. When he looked around, he noticed more than he usually did. There were small creatures scurrying around. Birds were flitting from tree to tree, and an ant crawled up his shoe. There was so much movement around him. In his entire year of playing the violin in the trees, Zero had never noticed that it was practically teeming with life. All he had ever seen and heard were the sentient sakura trees. They soaked up his pain and left him feeling peaceful. He had never paid attention to anything but the black hole inside himself, that he was suddenly seeing the outside world was remarkable. Something had changed. It was like a veil that had shrouded his entire existence had been suddenly pulled away, like how a magician swept aside the cloth that covered the marvel underneath. Zero blinked around himself, seeing things with new eyes. It was amazing, but he didn't know what had changed.

At that moment a rustling sound came through the trees. Zero looked up and spotted Kaname pushing his way through the trees. Zero stood up quickly, but felt awkward immediately, so he stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to seem nonchalant. Kaname looked up in surprise. Zero felt his breath catch when their eyes met. Kaname looked dreadful. His jacket and pants were wrinkled and there were some leaves in his hair and one rested on his shoulder precariously. It looked like he had been wandering through the trees haphazardly. The worst, it seemed to Zero, were Kaname's eyes. He had dark rings under them and his usual dark brown eyes looked tired and hollow.

"Oh," Kaname mumbled, "I didn't know you'd…" The rest of Kaname's sentence faded incomprehensibly, but Zero heard the phrases "very late" and "didn't expect".

"Are you okay?" Zero asked. He was glad he decided to check on Kaname. The man looked exhausted. Kaname avoided Zero's eyes and instead decided to stumble two steps toward Zero and collapse on the ground at the foot of the bench. Zero looked at Kaname, stunned. The happy, cheerful, and energetic man of yesterday seemed totally obliterated. Zero hesitated briefly before kneeling next to Kaname. He stared at the side of Kaname's pale face, unable to say anything. Gently, he touched his elbow. "Kaname, what's wrong?" he asked, but didn't receive a reply. Kaname sat as still as a statue, his head still buried in his arms.

Zero put his hand on Kaname's shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "I'll listen." Kaname remained silent, but Zero felt the muscles in Kaname's shoulder tense underneath his hand. Kaname tried to half-heartedly shrug Zero's hand off his shoulder, but Zero tightened his hold on it and sat down next to Kaname. He let Kaname sit without saying anything for a few minutes. He knew how packed Kaname's head must be if he were worried about something and wanted to give him some time to think about whatever was troubling him. After some time Zero heard a low mumbling. He leaned closer to Kaname, hoping he could catch the words.

"What?" Zero asked. Kaname kept his head in his arms and said something again. Zero knew he was speaking, but none of it made sense. The words were muffled by Kaname's knees. Zero moved and kneeled in front of Kaname. He grabbed both of Kaname's elbows and tried to gently pry them apart, but Kaname dug his fingers into his arms so Zero couldn't. Zero pursed his lips and gave Kaname's arms one sharp yank. They came loose and Zero took the opportunity to grab both of Kaname's wrists. He held Kaname's arms away from his face and asked: "Now, can you say that again? And preferably with less mumbling." Zero smiled at Kaname, but Kaname still wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the tops of his knees. Zero tightened his grip on Kaname and Kaname's mouth began outlining his previously mumbled words.

"I think…I love you."

Zero saw Kaname's lips move, heard the words, but couldn't process the meaning. At first he thought Kaname had meant it in a platonic way, but immediately knew that wasn't true. Kaname's red face said it all. Zero sat on the ground, stupefied. He still held Kaname's wrists, but when Zero felt Kaname's hands curl into fists, he let them go absentmindedly. Zero looked at the cherry blossom trees above Kaname's head and replayed Kaname's words. I think…I love you. Kaname loved him? How? When? Was he serious? Zero glanced at Kaname, who stared at him with a fearful expression on his face. The lucidity and earnestness of Kaname's eyes incited a strong feeling of protectiveness in Zero's heart. Never before had Zero seen such earnest and clear could read every single emotion in Kaname's eyes and each one was genuine. He smiled. It was so simple. Here he was: the one that had changed everything. Kaname was looking at him with almost the same expression as when he had unknowingly stepped into the clearing on that very first day.

Zero smiled softly and rested his hand on Kaname's cheek. "I think," he said, "I love you too." Zero leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Kaname's. At first, they were both still, but Kaname relaxed under Zero's warm lips. Kaname pulled Zero closer to him while Zero slowly stroked Kaname's cheek. Kaname sighed and Zero leaned in and kissed him again. The only thing he could feel for the better part of the next hour were Kaname's warm hands and his equally warm lips.

Eventually, they pulled away. They smiled at each other, but Zero quickly looked away, embarrassed. Zero and Kaname sat in silence; awkwardness and embarrassment pervaded the air. Zero looked at the hem of his pants and began pulling his sock and letting it snap back to his ankle. He tried to assess Kaname's feelings by trying to evaluate the atmosphere around him, but failed. In the edge of Zero's vision, he saw Kaname's hands clench and unclench. Zero wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. He wanted to say something profound and deep, something that would show Kaname the importance of this moment, but Zero couldn't seem to think of anything. He sighed, maybe he should fall back on the old 'isn't the weather wonderful today?' He rolled his eyes at his own inadequacy. Finally, Zero decided to say something open-ended and hoped Kaname could fill in the rest. Before he could speak up, he felt Kaname softly press his lips to the top of his head.

Zero looked up to see Kaname slowly standing. Kaname brushed the dirt off his pants and said, "I have to go." Zero panicked at his words and grabbed his hand. He tightened his grip, so Kaname couldn't pull away.

Why?" Zero asked. There was more he wanted to say and he wanted Kaname to stay until he was able to put them in coherent order. Kaname smiled and squeezed Zero's hand. With his other hand, he pointed to the lengthening shadows. "It's getting late. I'm sure my mother has overturned half the town looking for me already," he said.

"Oh." Zero looked down disappointedly and let go of Kaname's hand. A moment later, he felt Kaname's hand on his forehead and his fingers in his hair. Kaname pushed the hair off of Zero's forehead tenderly. Kaname kept his hand in Zero's hair for a moment. "I'll see you tomorrow." Zero looked up into his twinkling brown eyes and nodded. Zero quickly scrambled to his feet and grabbed his violin case.

"I should be going home too." Zero reached for Kaname's hand and laced his fingers through his. Kaname's eyes lit up and he grinned widely. Zero felt a spark of happiness in his chest and quickly lifted Kaname's hand to his lips.

They walked through the dense park, holding hands, but as soon as they neared the outskirts they both let go by mutual unspoken agreement. They walked a respectable distance from each other, but Zero occasionally felt the back of Kaname's hand brush his. Each time this happened, Zero felt a small shock travel through his body. He smiled all the way home.

...

Zero walked to the bank with Mr. Kurenai. The older man whistled as he strolled.

"There's nothing better than fine weather to help you digest a delicious breakfast, eh, Zero?"

"No, sir," Zero replied. They walked in silence until Mr. Kurenai spoke again.

"Zero, I reckon you could run this bank by yourself. Let an old man sleep in more, huh?" he asked jokingly.

"I don't think so, sir," Zero said. Mr. Kurenai laughed and clapped Zero on the back. Zero stumbled forward slightly because hadn't been paying attention, but caught himself. "In a couple of years, then," Mr. Kurenai said. He put the key in the lock of the bank door and turned. Mr. Kurenai looked back at Zero curiously. "You're awful quiet today Zero. What's wrong? Last night you were happier than a flying monkey." Zero looked at Mr. Kurenai as if he had just woken from a stupor.

"I'm just tired, sir. I don't think I got much sleep last night," Zero said, which was true because he had spent the entire night thinking about Kaname and yesterday afternoon. The two hours he did sleep, Zero remembered dreaming about him. He swayed slightly as he stood on the front step to the bank. Sleep deprivation did not suit him.

Zero stepped into the cool interior of the bank and flipped the sign on the back of the glass door from 'closed' to 'open'. Mr. Kurenai had disappeared into the back room by the time Zero walked around the high counter to the area for the tellers. He slowly made his way to the table in the back room and wrote down the time he came in under his name. The front door opened and Zero heard voices in the main room. He walked back towards the counter in case someone was here, but it was only the two other men that worked here.

"Zero! Good morning!" a young man with dark brown hair said. Zero smiled. "Good morning, Josh, Mr. Homestead." The other man, Mr. Homestead, raised his hand and slowly shuffled to the back of the room. His hair was mostly blonde, but had some grey in it. The young man, on the other hand, ran past Mr. Homestead and around the counter to hug Zero around the middle. Zero stumbled backward into a table and grabbed the edge with both hands to keep himself from falling over, but Josh had already pulled back. He was bouncing on his feet and his light blue eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Guess what?" he asked, leaning towards Zero.

"What?"

"She said yes!" Josh jumped and did a small dance. "I am officially allowed to stalk her!"

Zero laughed. "You mean court her."

Josh waved Zero's words away. "Court, stalk, there's not much difference. I'm going to her house tonight at 8 o'clock to meet her parents!" Zero smiled and held out his hand. Josh shook it enthusiastically.

"Congratulations," Zero said.

"I'm going to get some coffee," he said and bounded off into the staff room. Zero rolled his eyes. Nevertheless, Zero was still happy for him. Zero remembered one of the first things Josh had talked about with Zero was about this girl, Hazel. Josh had been sweet on her for years and she had never once given him the time of day, but something must have changed. Zero laughed to himself; the entire world was turning upside down.

From inside the back room Zero could hear Mr. Kurenai congratulating Josh too. Mr. Homestead laughed and gently patted Zero on the back as he passed by. "You can bet that's all we're going to hear about today. He's already talked my ear off. I'd brace yourself." Zero laughed and walked to his seat. Today seemed to be shaping up to be a good day. He wished he could tell everyone about his good news too. He especially wanted to because these were the people who helped him start to heal a year ago and Zero could truly say he was fond of them.

Josh came out with two mugs and set one in front of Zero, who said his thanks. Without Zero even prompting him, he started his story. "I was waiting to walk her home like every day and we were just walking and walking. I didn't really say anything because I was really upset that day. I was going to tell her that I had enough of her behavior and if she wasn't going to accept me then I was just going to leave her because I had had enough of her flippant attitude." Zero raised his eyebrows at Josh over his mug and Josh nodded, his expression saying 'yes it was that serious'. "So I started saying how much I loved her, but how I couldn't bear this anymore because you know I've been in love with her for five years and allofasuddenshestartedcrying." Zero had been listening closely because normally Josh spoke without any pauses, but his excitement today began slurring his words together.

"What?" Zero asked. "Speak slower Josh."

"Sorry," Josh said, "I got excited because it got to the good part. She started crying and said that she was sorry and she didn't mean to treat me horribly she only did because she was afraid I was just one of those boys. I said I wasn't and that I really did love her and she cried some more. I held her and her head was right here. Can you believe it Zero? I stroked her hair and everything. I think I did a good job comforting her," Josh said, looking proud of his accomplishment. "It was great!" he continued. "So after she stopped crying she invited me to dinner tonight and I'm meeting her parents." Josh grinned and took a huge gulp of his coffee. He almost spit it out again though because it was still piping hot.

Zero grinned and told Josh how happy he was for him again. "Tho, thow are you?" Josh asked with his tongue sticking out in an attempt to cool it. "You theem thesplenthent thday." Zero raised an eyebrow at him and looked at him in confusion.

"You look really happy, like something good happened," he clarified, talking with his tongue inside his mouth. "Did you and Maria pick out your kids' names or something?" Josh winked at Zero and tried to elbow him. Zero took a sip of his coffee to avoid answering, but immediately realized that was a horrible tactic. He drank another sip and tried to compose himself.

"No, we didn't. I just had a very nice day yesterday." Zero tried to say nonchalantly, but he reddened slightly as he said it. Josh's eyebrows went farther up his forehead than Zero thought possible. Josh nodded easily and drank his coffee.

"I understand," he said. "It's private; you don't want to tell me." He sighed theatrically and pushed his mug away from him. "I suppose there will come a day where I won't want to discuss the intimate details of my life with Hazel." He gave Zero a sideways glance and tried to look hurt. Zero rubbed the side of his neck. Yes, it was private and he really couldn't share, but he didn't want Josh to think he was keeping things from him.

"Honestly," Zero said, "nothing like that happened between me and Maria yesterday AND that day couldn't come soon enough. You're obsessed with Hazel in an unhealthy way." Josh pretended to be outraged, but he patted Zero on the back and said, "Never mind that you won't tell me. If it makes you feel good, it makes me happy." Zero smiled unconsciously and Josh suddenly yelled "HA!" Zero jumped and looked at him. Josh was standing and pointing at him excitedly. "You liar! Something did happen. You smiled! You smiled!" Zero kicked at him and Josh ran towards the back room yelling Mr. Kurenai's name.

Zero sighed, muttered, "Crazy kid," and checked his watch. It was about nine-thirty. There were two and a half hours until he could take his lunch break. Zero finished his coffee and put the mug underneath the desk. He leaned his chin in his hand and tapped on the table, waiting for people to come in.

The next two hours were gruesome. Zero checked his watch so often that only a minute passed each time. 10:15, 10:16, 10:17, 10:18… There weren't enough people to distract Zero with work so all he could think about was how soon his lunch break was coming. He was trying to think about what he would say to Kaname, but Josh was still yammering about Hazel in one ear. Zero's annoyance must have started to show because Josh switched victims and began talking to Mr. Homestead, who listened with a practiced patience.

Zero thought of Kaname to pass the time. He remembered how it had felt to kiss him and how he had felt when he had his epiphany. If Zero could, he would probably be talking more about Kaname than Josh could about Hazel. Kaname had become something of a refuge to Zero. The sakura trees used to be the place he could find peace and happiness, but Zero realized yesterday that it was Kaname who had been giving him peace and happiness lately. Zero guessed that wherever Kaname was, that's where Zero would be happy. He had never felt this way before. It was a completely new feeling, but Zero had already expressed it yesterday. He was in love.

"Alright, boys, lunch time," Mr. Kurenai said behind Zero. Zero stood up almost immediately and put away the extraneous things on his desk. Josh smiled knowingly and Zero ignored him. He left his coffee mug under the table because it would have wasted time to put it back and clean it. He said a hurried goodbye to the other three men and left the bank first.

Zero walked until he reached the edge of the sakura trees, from there, he started running. He was about to burst into the clearing, but stopped. Suddenly, he was plagued with fear. What if Kaname wasn't there? What if something had changed from yesterday and Kaname didn't feel that way anymore? Zero bit his bottom lip. What if Kaname didn't feel that way anymore? Zero almost sat down where he was. He didn't want to go any farther if that was the ending waiting for him.

After a few minutes of deliberation, Zero decided he was wasting time being stupid. Even if Kaname didn't love him anymore, he still wanted to see him. Zero took a deep breath and entered the clearing. He prayed that everything would be alright. Zero opened his eyes slowly and looked around him. He sighed in relief, one worry down, Kaname was there. As soon as Zero made eye-contact, Kaname grinned and opened his arms wide. Zero blinked in surprise. Okay, he thought, that made a million of his worries moot. His heart loosened in his chest and he walked over to Kaname. Once he reached him, Kaname immediately pulled Zero into his arms and kissed the top of his head. Zero smiled and rested his face in the curve of Kaname's neck. Zero remained quiet, listening to Kaname breathe. "Hi," he said finally.

"Hello," Kaname said, "How are you?"

"Brilliant," Zero replied. "You?"

Kaname laughed quietly. "Fairly well."

"I love you," Kaname said quietly. Zero closed his eyes, loving the sound of those words. "I love you too." After a couple of minutes, Zero moved out of Kaname's arms and stretched out on the ground. He rested his head on Kaname's thigh and looked up at the trees. Kaname rhythmically ran his hand through Zero's hair and Zero let his mind wander. He realized that while he loved Kaname, he still didn't know much about him. He didn't know any of the mundane things people knew about each other.

"What's your favorite color Kaname?" Zero asked. Kaname was silent for a moment, and then said, "Silver."

"What's your favorite thing to do?"

"I really like to work with children. I want to be a teacher."

Zero tilted his head back to look at him. "Really?" he asked. "I didn't know you wanted to be a teacher. Which subject?"

Kaname smiled, "English."

Zero nodded and moved on to his next question. "Who's your favorite musician?"

"You." Zero, pleased with himself, smiled. Kaname stroked Zero's cheek with the back of his hand. "What about yourself? What do you want to do?"

Zero thought for a moment. "When I was younger, I wanted to become a musician. I wanted to travel the world and play, but now it looks like I'm staying here and becoming a bank owner." Zero ended on a slightly bitter note. Kaname reached for Zero's hand and began playing with his fingers.

"Do you know how to transcribe music?" he asked. Zero nodded. "Then you should write all your pieces down and try playing it for someone other than me." Kaname gently hit Zero's head with his own hand. "It's so beautiful that I'm sure you'll be an instant hit." Zero mulled over his words and decided he could try. After all, it had been his dream ever since he could hold a violin.

Zero continued asking Kaname questions and Kaname would ask Zero questions too, but their conversation was cut short when Zero realized he had to go back to work. Kaname leaned over and pecked Zero on the lips before he let Zero sit up. Zero smiled and held Kaname's face in his hands for a moment. They said good-bye and both promised to be there the next day.

...

The rest of the day and the next morning passed quickly for Zero. He ate, slept, and interacted with everyone as if he were on autopilot. He left quickly for his break and snuck away into the trees. Kaname was already waiting for him and they passed this day much like the day before. They talked about their lives, their likes and dislikes, and anything that happened to pass through their minds.

Zero loved the time he spent with Kaname. Even though they only spent an hour together, Zero came back feeling as if he had known Kaname for years. They somehow clicked. Zero wasn't sure this was supposed to happen. Their meeting had been spontaneous, but it had been exactly what Zero needed.

Two days later Zero brought his violin with him, something he had not done in days. He hoped to play Kaname a new song. It had popped in his head late last night and Zero couldn't help playing it as soon as he thought of it, even when Maria had pounded on his bedroom door to stop. He fingered the clasps on his case as he waited for Kaname. For some reason Kaname was later than usual today. Zero bit his lip. Their time was so limited already, if one of them were late, it reduced the time they could spend together greatly. Zero glanced at his watch.

Five minutes later, Kaname emerged from the trees. Zero sighed in relief and beckoned Kaname to sit down. "Sorry," Kaname said, "Yuki wouldn't let me get through the door. It's getting harder and harder to come up with a new lie every day." He sighed and leaned back against the tree.

"You could plead mental instability like me," Zero said, taking Kaname's hand and massaging it. It had just occurred to him how much Kaname had to do just for their hour. He looked at Kaname's face, but his eyes were closed.

"It's more trouble than it's worth in my house." Kaname opened his eyes again and looked at Zero. "So, what's new?" Zero smiled and patted the violin case between them.

"I have something I would like to play for you." Kaname straightened and looked at Zero eagerly.

"Really?" he asked excitedly. Kaname turned so he was facing Zero and sitting cross-legged. "Okay, I'm ready." Zero smiled at his enthusiasm and opened his case. At that moment, a cherry blossom fell from a tree above them onto the top of Zero's case. Zero paused and was about to brush it off when Kaname reached out and picked it up. He held it carefully between his pinched fingers and brought it close to his eyes. Then he grinned and looked up. "Look! The trees have blossomed!"

Zero looked up with him and saw that every tree was laden with white blossoms. It was like they were sitting in a very fluffy and fragrant cloud. Zero felt his lips lengthen into a smile. "How beautiful," he said. "I never noticed." Kaname leaned back on two hands and looked at the canopy of flowers.

"This is my favorite time of year," he told Zero. Zero looked Kaname instead of the cherry blossoms while he stored this piece of information in his mind.

"I think this is my favorite time of year too now," he said. Kaname looked back at Zero with sparkling eyes. He grinned widely and took Zero's hand. "Are you going to play for me or what?" Zero took out his violin in response and sat up straighter. Kaname turned to the cherry blossoms again and Zero began to play.

He had only played the first part last night, but Zero soon found that the rest simply flowed off his bow and fingers. The image of the cherry blossoms and Kaname remained in his mind and it provided him with the inspiration to keep playing. Kaname had spurred him to start this piece last night in his room and today Kaname kept it flowing. Zero barely had gotten to the middle of the piece when he felt Kaname's lips against his cheek. Zero's bow came to a stop in surprise and he barely mustered himself to start playing again when he felt Kaname shuffle around and kiss his lips. Zero opened his eyes and looked at Kaname, slightly annoyed.

Kaname glanced away as soon as Zero opened his eyes, as if he hadn't done anything, and pretended to be watching the cherry blossom trees. Zero pursed his lips in disapproval because he had been, after all, playing a song for Kaname. But the proximity of Kaname's warmth changed his mind. As he leaned towards Kaname, Kaname caught his lips and began kissing him enthusiastically. Zero grinned against Kaname's lips and responded in kind. He put his arms around Kaname's neck and pulled him against him. Kaname struggled in the nonexistent space between them to unbutton his jacket and shrug it off. He reached for Zero's collar as well. He succeeded in opening the first few buttons of Zero's shirt and stroked the skin beneath it in constant circles. Zero shivered at his touch and began slowly pushing Kaname to the ground. He felt Kaname's hand roam deeper inside his shirt and he pulled away to kiss Kaname's neck, but heard a sound like a gunshot. Both men froze momentarily and then sprang into motion. Zero scrambled up and Kaname moved away from him. They kept silent and strained their ears for any other sounds. After a few minutes of tense silence, Zero relaxed and threw Kaname's jacket back to him.

"It might have been a deer or something," he muttered. Kaname nodded and put his jacket back on. Zero re-buttoned his shirt and quickly combed through his hair with his fingers. He caught Kaname glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

"I think it's we best leave," Zero told him. Kaname nodded and stood up along with Zero. Zero stretched the two inches on his toes to Kaname's forehead and kissed it. "It's fine. It was just a blithe woodland creature."

Kaname smiled. "I hope. Do you want to have dinner at my house this Saturday? My parents want to meet you."

Zero almost tripped over his feet. "Your parents want to meet me? WHAT? What did you tell them?" Zero stared at Kaname, aghast. Kaname looked slightly sheepish, but replied: "Nothing. I just told them I had been meeting a friend and they wanted to meet you."

Zero looked at Kaname as if he had lost it. "Did you also tell them about—about—, "Zero faltered, unable to find the correct words. "Kaname, what the hell? No." Zero shook his head and began walking away. Kaname quickly caught up to him and grabbed his hands.

"Please?" he pleaded. "Please? It's nothing bad. We're just friends, right? It's totally natural to come home for dinner." Kaname tried to widen his eyes and look innocent. Zero shook his head again, unswayed by Kaname's appeals. "Zero, please? My parents will think I have no friends…" Kaname pouted, apparently unashamed by his behavior.

Zero narrowed his eyes. "We're just friends?" he repeated. Kaname backtracked and revised his statement.

"You are my best friend now...and a little something more." Kaname winked and pulled Zero along with him as he walked out of the clearing.

"What time?"

"5:30?"

"Where is your house?"

"You have to walk past the bank and keep walking until you reach the candy place. Turn left there on that road and keep walking until you reach the first right. My house is on that street, but there's an easier way around. Keep going until you get to the blue house, then there's this alleyway, go through that and you'll almost be in my backyard. My house is on the right, no left, just go around to the front, it's the one with a gate."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Was I supposed to remember that?"

"Just ask a neighbor if you get lost." Kaname gave Zero's hand one last squeeze before letting it go. They both walked back to the path.

...

Friday had been a fairly normal day. The bank closed early and Zero had most of the day to spend with Maria and her family. He had just spent one hour with Kaname, as per usual. Zero lay in his bed, recounting yesterday. Mostly they had spent time in the sakura trees (a strange experience) and planned the wedding. Mrs. Kurenai mainly concentrated on food, Mr. Kurenai on expenses, and Maria tried to hide her excitement. Zero was mostly a passive observer. There was nothing much he had to contribute to.

There were a few memorable times however, especially when the family had decided to play a game of tag. Zero almost felt as if he had been transported back to the summers he used to spend here with his family. Maria had become her 16 year old self and they were once again best friends without a more complicated relationship.

Maria was still much the same. She still as energetic and prone to smack him on the head as ever, but everything was infected with a new paralyzing shyness. Zero couldn't stand it. They couldn't have a normal conversation without her turning beet red. It had just been one more thing that had changed and his old best friend wasn't there to rely on anymore.

Zero remembered snapping at her one day. He must have enraged her because she smacked him with her book and asked him "when the hell he had gotten so handsome". This was the one thing that had made him laugh that entire week. Over the months their relationship had waxed and waned. The current state was that their friendly exchanges had an undercurrent of professionalism and indifference. Zero suspected that it had to do with their differing views on their impending union. Zero was clearly less enthusiastic than Maria wished him to be.

Zero sighed. This was turning out to be much more convoluted than he had hoped. He considered running away to a monastery and announcing his ambition to lead a life of seclusion and reflection. It sounded nice, thought Zero, but definitely not practical. He swung his feet off his bed and stood up. He went downstairs to the kitchen to tell Mrs. Kurenai that he wasn't having dinner with them today. Zero cringed at the thought of this improbable situation Kaname had forced him into. He found her absentmindedly washing the dishes.

"I've been invited to dinner with a friend tonight. Is it alright if I go?" Zero balled his hands into fists, hoping she would refuse.

"Of course you can," she said without looking away from the dish she was scrubbing. Zero's shoulders sagged. He said his thanks in an unenthusiastic voice. She paused in her scrubbing and looked at him curiously. "With whom are you having dinner?"

"…Kaname, Kaname Kuran."

Mrs. Kurenai's eyes lit up in delight. "Oh, the Kuran's boy? He's such a sweetheart. How did you two meet?"

Zero was taken aback for a moment and didn't know how to respond. She knew him already? Before answering, he arranged the answer in his head so he wasn't lying. "It was chance. We met while I was walking in the park and got to talking."

"That's wonderful. He's such a nice boy." Mrs. Kurenai nodded and smiled. Zero smiled uncertainly. He bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he should ask the question at the tip of his tongue.

"Mrs. Kurenai, how—how did you meet Kaname?"

"We've known him since he was young. Mr. Kurenai likes to go to his father's bookstore every weekend. Mr. Kurenai and I have watched him grow up." Mrs. Kurenai rinsed her soapy hands quickly. "I should tell Mrs. Kuran. I'm sure she'll be ecstatic!"

"I'm sure she already knows," Zero said quickly, trying to head off her eagerness. "Can you tell me how to get to his house? His instructions weren't very clear." Mrs. Kurenai told him enthusiastically and they were by far much more concise. Zero was still reeling from the odd coincidence as he shut the front door. Then again, it was a small town; it probably wasn't that surprising that the Kurenais had such a connection with the Kurans.

...

Zero lay with his head in Kaname's lap. Kaname absentmindedly played with Zero's hair.

"I've been wanting to tell you," Kaname began. He looked into the sakura trees that were already starting to lose their bloom. "I'm getting married." Zero moved Kaname's hands away from his hair and raised himself on his elbows. He twisted around to look at Kaname.

"What?"

Kaname nodded and pointed to his left hand. On his fourth finger, there was a thin silver band. Zero reached out to touch it and Kaname grasped his hand in his own.

"I wanted to tell you before you came for dinner," he said quietly. "It's all my mother can talk about."

"How long?"

"About a year."

"Oh." Zero lay back in Kaname's lap. He tried to get comfortable, but the new knowledge was thorn digging into his mind. All he could do was stare at Kaname's face as he tried to absorb his words. To Zero, his own marriage seemed inevitable, it was something that he had accepted as a constant, but the idea that Kaname was getting married as well was almost too ridiculous. Kaname squeezed his hand.

"I wanted to tell you, but it honestly slipped my mind after hearing that you were getting married as well." Zero snorted at the irony, but Kaname ignored him. "I've done some thinking and I love you. Honest, I love you more than anything else. So…I wanted to give you this." Kaname brought his hand down in front of Zero's face and opened it so his palm was flat. In the middle, rested the small silver band Zero had just seen on Kaname's hand: his engagement ring. Zero felt his breath catch in his throat. He sat up and turned so he was looking at Kaname. Kaname was still offering Zero the ring. His eyes were full of tenderness.

Zero blinked a few times quickly and took a deep breath to steady himself. "No," he said to Kaname, "not unless you take this." He quickly slipped off the ring on his own hand and showed it to Kaname. "This is the promise ring I was given when I agreed to marry Maria, but in truth, it never meant anything to me. The words 'I promise, Forever' are engraved on the inside. I promise to love you, forever. Will you accept this?" Kaname nodded and Zero slipped it on his finger. He brought Kaname's hand to his cheek briefly then extended his own hand to Kaname.

"I'm jealous," Kaname said, smiling with bright eyes as he put his ring on Zero's finger, "your declaration was more romantic than mine and I rehearsed mine last night."

Zero held out his hand, so he could see the ring clearly. "Do you think anyone will notice the switch?"

Kaname looked closely at the ring on his hand and shook his head. "Not unless someone looked on the inside of mine. Other than that, they're identical." Kaname kissed Zero lightly and pulled him up. "It's time to go. I can walk you to my house."

As they slowly wound through the trees Zero asked Kaname if he knew that the Kurenais knew him. "Yes," he replied. "Mrs. Kurenai and my mother talk occasionally."

"Mrs. Kurenai thinks you're the sweetest thing."

"Am I not?"

Zero rolled his eyes and they continued walking while Kaname began informing him about the intricacies of his family.

"It's just my mother," he concluded at his front door. "She's slightly…overzealous." Kaname pushed open the door. "Mother, I'm home!" he called down the hallway. A slightly plump, but still beautiful woman came to the door.

"Kaname, my sweetheart, you're home!" she exclaimed fondly. Kaname kissed her cheek and gestured toward Zero.

"Mother, this is Zero Kiryuu."

Zero smiled and made a small bow. "Pleasure to meet you Mrs. Kuran."

Mrs. Kuran smiled widely. "My, aren't you a handsome boy? Mrs. Kurenai told me all about you dear, come on in." Zero felt himself blush and didn't resist when Kaname pulled him through the door. Mrs. Kurenai told him to make himself at home and led them to a small living room at the end of the hall. "Dinner is almost ready boys," she said before disappearing into the kitchen.

In a few minutes Mr. Kuran came into the living room. Zero stood and shook his hand. Mr. Kuran was an amiable man and asked Zero about his job and his past-times. Soon they reconvened in the dining room and began dinner. As they had walked to the table, Zero had whispered "this is weird" in Kaname's ear. Kaname had laughed and pushed him into the room anyway.

"So how did you two boys meet?" Mrs. Kuran asked. Zero's mouth was full, so Kaname took the question.

"Yuki and I were out walking and we bumped into him. It was quite the odd meeting." Zero nodded in agreement while trying to eat through the mountain of food in front of him.

"Interesting," Mr. Kuran said.

"Zero was playing the violin, father. He's quite talented actually." Kaname glanced at Zero from across the table and Zero glared at him.

"How long have you been playing, son?"

"Since I was ten or eleven sir."

"We tried to convince Kaname to play an instrument, but he obstinately refused," Mr. Kuran said.

"Yuki does play marvelously on the piano. I would love to hear you two play together sometime." Mrs. Kuran interjected.

Zero tried to smile. "Maybe sometime."

"Speaking of my daughter-in-law, you should have invited her today Kaname," Mrs. Kuran said.

Zero saw Kaname suppress a sigh. "I told you mother, she was busy."

"Doing all the work for your wedding I daresay."

"I've been helping plenty, besides; you redo most of my work anyway," Kaname said, putting his fork down.

"Kaname I don't appreciate being spoken to in that manner, especially in front of a guest," Mrs. Kuran turned to Zero, "Excuse him, Zero dear." She smiled and turned back to her son. "You should be helping more Kaname. The wedding is in one week and you keep disappearing when we need you most!" Zero froze. Mrs. Kuran's words fell on him like rocks. Kaname was getting married in a week? Zero put his fork down.

A second later, he felt something nudge his foot and looked up. He saw Kaname watching him with concerned eyes and looked away. Kaname nudged his foot again, but Zero didn't look up. The ring on his finger suddenly felt like a lie. He had the urge to take it off and throw it through the window. Kaname gently stepped on his foot, but Zero kicked him away.

"Mother, I don't want to talk about this," Zero heard Kaname saying angrily.

"Well, you have to," his mother replied. "Kaname Kuran you cannot shirk your responsibilities this way. Poor Yuki, the angel, she's been very understanding and indulgent towards you. You cannot abandon her like this in the middle of preparations!"

"Mother—," Kaname began.

"I'm finished on this subject Kaname. You are old enough to know the truth of your actions," his mother said with finality. She looked away from Kaname. He exhaled heavily through his nose.

"May I be excused?" Kaname growled. He stood up without an answer and grabbed his half eaten dinner. Zero wanted to push his own plate away as well, but felt it would be rude. He took another bite and tried to chew through it.

After a moment of silence, Mrs. Kuran suddenly exclaimed, "Zero! What's the matter, honey? You look terrible." Zero jumped and his fork fell to the table with a clatter. From the corner of his eye, he saw Kaname watching him from the kitchen. He looked worried.

"I'm sorry, I've had a very long day. Excuse my behavior." Zero said.

"Don't apologize." She felt Zero's forehead. "You're warm. I think you're coming down with something dear." Mrs. Kuran switched into her mothering mode. She felt Zero's neck and noted how pale he was. "I think you need rest Zero. Do you feel well enough to go home or would you like to rest here? We do have a guest room."

"No thank you, Mrs. Kuran. Mrs. Kurenai would be worried. I'll go home," Zero said. Mrs. Kuran nodded and motioned to Kaname.

"Kaname will walk with you," she told Zero. "I wouldn't want anything to happen on the way."

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Kuran for the delicious dinner. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly."

"It's alright," Mr. Kuran said. "I apologize for the way tonight turned out." Zero shook his head and told him it wasn't any single person's fault. He pushed his chair in walked into the hallway to the front door. Kaname caught up with him just as he was about to open the front door.

"I'm sorry," Kaname said, pressing his hand against Zero's forehead. "This wasn't the best idea." Zero pursed his lips and firmly removed Kaname's hand.

"I won't be there tomorrow," he said.

Kaname looked stricken at Zero's words. "Zero, I'm sorry."

Zero shook his head and closed his eyes. "Kaname you're getting married in a week. I need time to think." He opened the door and tried to step out, but Kaname held onto his arms. "Zero, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to turn out this way." Zero held up both of his hands.

"Kaname, I don't know what you're trying to do with me." Zero's eyebrows came together. "You're getting married in a week. I don't know…I don't think…" Zero trailed off as Kaname's eyes became wider and wider. Zero sighed. "You should have told me," he said finally. He held his hand to Kaname's face for a moment. "Don't look for me tomorrow," he told him. With that, Zero closed Kaname's front door and began walking home.


	3. I Couldn't Escape

Zero opened the front door to the Kurenai's house and stepped in. Mrs. Kurenai waved to him from the dining room. "You're mighty early Zero. We thought you'd be there for at least another hour. What happened?"

"It was a fiasco," he replied. "Kaname and his mother ended up arguing at the table and we all decided to end the night early." Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai laughed at the unexpected story and motioned for him to join them, but he shook his head.

"Did you eat Zero?" Mrs. Kurenai asked. Zero nodded, waved them goodnight, and went up to his room. He pulled the covers over his head and stared at the inside of his blanket. He couldn't understand why he was so upset. Didn't Kaname tell him that he was getting married? It wasn't his fault. The real shock was that the wedding was next Saturday. It was all too surreal. In the back of his mind Zero had been running on the assumption that the wedding was in a few months or maybe years. He thought that he and Kaname would remain suspended in this state of secret meetings and affection. He had never considered that their time together would end, and so soon at that. Zero had honestly thought that everything would remain the same for as long as he wanted it to. To find out that it wasn't true turned Zero's entire perspective upside down. Kaname wasn't going to be his anymore.

Zero removed the blanket from his head and exposed himself to the cool air in his room. He played with the ring on his finger and stared up at the ceiling. This ring was the proof of Kaname's love. That he gave it to him meant that Kaname loved Zero more than this girl he was marrying. But what did _that_ mean? Kaname was getting married in a week. Did the ring or Kaname's love have any meaning? Did their _relationship_ have any meaning? Did Kaname care for him, or was this just a passing fancy that Zero should forget as well?

Zero frowned and looked at his ring again. Even if Kaname never did, Zero loved him. Kaname was the only one he had ever felt this way with. Girls in his hometown had taken interest in him. There had been clandestine kisses that both parties denied, but knew happened, flirting, and teasing, everything that boys his age seemed to do, but that was just it. It was all things that normal boys his age did. It never meant anything more to Zero. There hadn't been a special girl to wait for after school or to approach her parents about. There hadn't been a girl that occupied his thoughts all day. Kaname had been the first one for whom Zero's heart beat faster. Kaname was the person he thought about all the time and the only person he wanted to see.

Kaname didn't know, but before he had met him, Zero was as close to an anti-social zombie as one could get. He talked as much was needed and never more. He was apathetic and didn't have likes or dislikes, just indifference. Things like personal preference had been buried under the memories of his family. He saw them every waking moment. He had tried to appear normal, but only to make people leave him alone.

Kaname had changed that. It was his earnestness and eager awkwardness in those first meetings that endeared him so quickly to Zero. He seemed to know when to keep his distance and where Zero's limits were. Kaname had found him; he had found his music. Zero put all of his passion and emotion into his music; he could never lie with it, which was why he kept it hidden. But Kaname had demanded to see that side of him and then reveled in it. Unknowingly, Kaname had found the innermost part of Zero and embraced it.

Meeting Kaname had started to bring out the person Zero used to be. Kaname's bright, cheery, and genuine personality reminded Zero that there were still things to live for and that there was still hope, even in his dreary corner of the world. Kaname's gentleness, patience, and love helped him remember without pain. Zero had finally started picking up the pieces of himself: endurance, strength, perseverance, and hope. Kaname's love finally helped Zero see that there were still people that he loved and who loved him too. He didn't know if he could bear it if Kaname wasn't with him anymore. Zero held his left hand to his chest, scared what he would turn into if he lost Kaname.

…

A hand brushed the hair off Zero's forehead and gently pressed its palm down. "Ka—Kaname?" Zero mumbled sleepily. He moved his arm off his face and opened his eyes. Instead of twinkling brown eyes, a pair of silver-grey eyes looked down at him. "Maria," he said. "Good morning."

Maria hesitantly put her hand back at her side. "I was just checking if you were alright. Mama tried to wake you this morning, but you slept right through all her efforts." Zero rubbed his eyes and raised himself on his elbows.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"1:15."

"Maria?" Zero asked suddenly, looking at the young girl standing hesitantly next to his bed. "How are you?"

She looked down at him warily. "I'm well," she said carefully. "How are you? You seemed ill last night. You probably still are, aren't you?" She was still looking at him suspiciously.

"I'm feeling better," Zero said. After a moment of awkward silence, he spoke again. "How is everything going with…you know…the wedding?"

Maria looked extremely surprised. She seemed to collect herself before saying: "Everything is running smoothly, I suppose, if mama would let us actually decide something concretely." Zero smiled at the typical behavior of Mrs. Kurenai. Maria peered closer at him.

"Are you—did you hurt yourself?" she asked. Zero raised his eyebrows at her and she shook her head. "I'll see you downstairs Zero. Mama is waiting." Zero swung his feet off of his bed and stretched. After getting dressed, he followed Maria down the stairs ten minutes later. Mrs. Kurenai greeted him in the kitchen and ushered him to the table for breakfast, even though it was about 1:30 in the afternoon.

"How are you honey?" she asked. "Mrs. Kuran asked me about you this morning. She seems to have taken to you. She even told me she'd gladly replace Kaname with you." Mrs. Kurenai laughed and slipped some eggs onto his plate.

Zero laughed halfheartedly and began eating. He didn't answer Mrs. Kurenai's question about his wellbeing, but she didn't seem to mind. It was a usual occurrence after all. Maria leaned through the doorway of the kitchen and spoke to her mother.

"Mama, Papa and I are going to go out now. We should be back before dinner time." Mrs. Kurenai nodded and turned back to the stove. Maria's eyes landed briefly on Zero for a moment, but she didn't acknowledge him. She withdrew from the doorway and turned to join her father in the hallway.

"Wait!" Zero called with sudden inspiration. He shoveled the last bits of his breakfast into his mouth and stood up. Maria appeared around the doorway again. She rested her hand on the wall beside her and looked at Zero impatiently. "If you don't mind, would you like me to accompany you?" he asked. Maria's expression turned to disbelief. She exchanged looks with her mother, but her mother was just as shocked as she was. The kitchen remained silent. Zero shifted uncomfortably. "What? Is there something wrong?" His question snapped Maria and Mrs. Kurenai out of their frozen states. Mrs. Kurenai began smiling and Maria nodded once.

"I'll go tell Papa that you're coming instead." After Maria left, Zero carried his plate over to the sink. Mrs. Kurenai was still looking at him with surprise, but it seemed to be pleasant surprise. She hugged Zero around his middle and let him go gently. "Stay out as long as you'd like," she said and smiled. Zero felt himself flush and backed out of the kitchen without saying anything else.

"I still think he's really sick," Maria was saying as Zero walked up to them. Mr. Kurenai gave her a stern look and Maria ignored him. "It's evident Papa. Look at him; he's a freak of nature." Maria said the last comment directly to Zero, who didn't take offense, but just rolled his eyes at her. He had heard too many comments of the same persuasion for years from Maria to be bothered anymore.

"I see you still don't see yourself clearly," he countered. This earned him a smile from Mr. Kurenai.

"If you're done being rude, we should go," Maria said imperiously. "There are many places we have to visit before the afternoon is over." She led the way through the hall and to the front door. Zero paused to grab his hat from the hat-stand before holding his arm out for Maria. For the most part, they walked in silence until they reached town.

"Where do you want to go first?" Zero asked as the first buildings came into sight. Maria thought for a moment and looked like she was running through a mental list.

"I'm not sure," she said. "There is a new book waiting for me that I absolutely _have_ to read, but then I also need new dresses. I don't know how long that will take and there are also a few stores that I want to look at." Zero nodded along to what she was saying and looked at his surroundings. It was a bright and sunny afternoon. The trees moved gently in the wind and covered their path with their shade. Occasionally, a person would pass by them and wave, but other than that, the roads and stores looked sparsely populated.

"The bookstore," Maria decided. "I can't wait any longer and I know Mr. Kuran will have it set aside for me."

Zero looked at Maria in surprise. "Mr. Kuran?" he asked.

"Is the owner of the bookstore. He's a very nice man, but I suppose you know that already, after dining at his house and all. Papa and I have been going to his bookstore since I was little. He always specially orders my favorite books for me." Zero nodded his head, but a sick feeling manifested itself in his stomach. He clutched his stomach with his free hand. Dread and elation weren't a good mix.

"Is there anything you'd like me to do while you're buying your book? You said you didn't have that much time," Zero asked, hoping Maria would accept his offer.

Maria shook her head. "It's alright," she said. "We can go together." Zero nodded again and cursed his luck as they neared Mr. Kuran's store. Desperately, Zero reminded himself that Kaname only worked in his father's store occasionally. Zero crossed his fingers and prayed that Kaname wouldn't be there. He wasn't sure if he could face Kaname yet. His feelings were still a mess.

He opened the front door to the Kuran's bookstore and held it open for Maria. She thanked him and immediately walked to the back of the store where there was a dimly lit area separated by wooden railings. A was sign posted on a pillar in front of the small entrance that said ' _Employees Only'_. Zero quickly caught up with her, all the while looking around for a glimpse of a familiar figure. "Maria," Zero said, "I don't think we can go in here." Maria shook her head and waved his doubt away.

"Mr. Kuran doesn't mind. I almost live back here." Maria walked into the spacious area. It was filled with shelves of books and many large boxes. Some were open and Zero could see the glossy covers of new books that were waiting to be stacked. Many books were strewn on the floor in a circle. In the middle of this mess, a dark haired man sat on the floor, marking each book with a fountain pen. After he finished, he twisted slightly and placed the books on a steadily growing pile behind him. Zero's heart leapt into his throat and almost choked him, but he realized there were streaks of gray in the man's hair and the hand holding the pen was more heavyset and wrinkled.

"Mr. Kuran," Maria said. "Good Afternoon. How are you?" Mr. Kuran held up one finger and finished writing in the inside of the book cover before looking up.

"Maria," he said affectionately. "I'm well. How are you child?"

"Fine Mr. Kuran. Do you have—?"

"Your book? Yes," he said smiling. He started pointing to a desk a few feet from him, but his eyes fell on Zero. "Zero," he said, mildly surprised. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you. And you?" Zero asked politely. He held his hands behind his back and clenched and unclenched them. Mr. Kuran answered and slowly stood up, wiping his ink stained hands on his pants. He walked back to the small desk and picked up a brown paper package. He briefly examined the small tag before handing it to Maria. She hugged it to her chest and gave him a wide smile.

"Thank you so much!" Her hands moved to untie the strings holding the package together, but Mr. Kuran stopped her.

"I would wait until you're home, young miss." Maria sighed, but handed it to Zero, who took it obediently.

"What brings you here, Zero?" Mr. Kuran asked. He looked at Zero and then Maria curiously. Zero looked at him, surprised, but answered hastily.

"Maria is my fiancée and I'm just accompanying her today." Zero cringed with embarrassment; his answer couldn't have been anymore awkward, but Mr. Kuran's look had made him feel guilty. Mr. Kuran's eyebrows went up and he turned to look accusingly at Maria.

"You're getting married and you didn't even have the presence of mind to tell me?" Mr. Kuran looked hurt, but Maria smiled. "We haven't begun to invite people yet Mr. Kuran, though I will most definitely invite you myself in person." They continued talking and Zero tuned them out. His eyes were still roaming the room, looking in dark corners and down other isles for Kaname. Zero kept expecting Kaname to materialize and join their conversation. Zero twisted his hands nervously. He didn't know whether Kaname would suddenly appear or not and wanted to leave the store as soon as possible. Zero was still upset about yesterday and didn't know how to handle the situation if Kaname appeared. Zero waited until Maria paused and interjected his question.

"Mr. Kuran, is Kaname here?"

Mr. Kuran looked at Zero and shook his head. "I'm not sure where that boy is. He left around noon in a frenzy and hasn't been back since." Zero stood with his hands behind his back and tried to nod nonchalantly. "I think he said something about taking a walk," Mr. Kuran said. He pursed his lips and looked disgruntled. "He's becoming extremely irresponsible. I need to speak with him later." Zero felt another wave of guilt sweep through him for two reasons: the first being that it was obvious to him where Kaname was and the second being that it was his fault that Kaname was in his harried state and in this precarious position with his parents. "I can tell him you were looking for him Zero."

Zero looked at Mr. Kuran, alarmed. "No, no, it's alright. I'll talk to him later. Please don't tell him Mr. Kuran, it's fine." Mr. Kuran looked at Zero a little oddly, but he nodded. Zero pulled lightly at Maria's elbow with the desire to leave immediately. Fortunately, she acquiesced and said goodbye to Mr. Kuran. Zero nodded at him and they both walked back into the street. After the bookstore, Zero followed Maria into about a dozen dress and hat stores. After exhausting every possible clothing venue, the two finally walked home. Zero dragged his feet and the bags full of Maria's clothes, while Maria bounced along, full of anticipation to share her purchases with Mrs. Kurenai.

Zero collapsed on the couch in the living room and watched Maria show her new dresses to Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai. They oohed and ahhed at the right places, but Zero could tell Mr. Kurenai didn't share Mrs. Kurenai's enthusiasm. He settled on the couch next to Zero and mumbled about how all his hard earned money was going down the drain between his wife and his daughter. Zero smiled tiredly and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. Mr. Kurenai put his hand on Zero's shoulder.

"I wanted to thank you Zero," he said, "for today. Maria is really happy, even though she would never tell you." He looked at Zero with a certain kind of pride in his eyes. "I'm glad you're rising above this. I finally feel as if I'm fulfilling your parents' wishes." Zero looked at Mr. Kurenai with wide eyes and he knew Mr. Kurenai could see the sadness that appeared in them when his parents had been mentioned. Mr. Kurenai put his arm around Zero and pulled him closer so he could press his lips to his head. "We love you Zero," he said into his hair quietly.

Zero nodded and looked at his hands resting in his lap. He clutched the edges of the couch and bit his lip. A familiar feeling of guilt and shame rose up in him. He sat with Mr. Kurenai's arm around his shoulders until Mrs. Kurenai announced that it was bedtime. As Zero climbed the stairs to his room, he could hear Mrs. Kurenai whispering to Mr. Kurenai about him in the living room.

"It's good to see him like this. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm glad it did."

Zero sighed and climbed the rest of the stairs. He lay in bed and tried to push Mr. and Mrs. Kurenai's words out of his head. Earlier he had felt betrayed by Kaname, but after hearing their words, Zero wondered if it was he who was really betraying everyone.

…

The next day was the beginning of another work week. For Zero, the morning passed by slowly. He talked to Josh about Hazel and her family. He listened to Mr. Hempstead tell stories about his daughter and her children. He helped customers sort out their banking issues. It was a lethargic, but normal day, until the source of his confusion and happiness walked through the door.

Kaname's tired eyes found him immediately. Zero froze and he dropped the pen he was holding. As Kaname walked directly to him, the small voice in his head that had been whispering Kaname's name over and over again all day became louder and louder until it was screaming at him.

Zero felt the urge to turn and run into the employee kitchen, but he knew it was futile. Running away would not make his dilemma go away. Zero took a deep breath and looked Kaname level in the eyes. Kaname's expression was beseeching. Zero could almost hear the exact words Kaname wanted to say inside his head. Zero shook his head slightly and Kaname's eyes widened. He looked panicked and lengthened his stride until he was at the counter. Walking alongside him was another person: a small brown haired girl with large, doe-like eyes. Zero quickly noted the ring on her hand that was clutching Kaname's arm. It was Kaname's fiancée, Yuki.

Kaname spread his hands out on the counter and leaned in towards Zero, but Zero's eyes were still fixed on Yuki. "Zero," he heard Kaname say in a low voice. "Please. Let me talk to you." There was desperation in his voice. Zero's eyebrows furrowed and he looked away from Yuki. He felt trapped again. He didn't know how to explain all the feelings that had been trapped inside his chest for the past two days and this certainly wasn't the place to do it.

Zero shook his head. "No, Kaname. I can't."

"Zero!" Kaname said furiously, but in a whisper. He looked distractedly down at Yuki, who had been gently tugging his arm, and tried to pull away. "Zero, you have to hear me out. I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to turn out that way." Kaname gazed at Zero with alarmed and serious eyes, but it only sparked Zero's temper. He hissed, "How _else_ was that supposed to turn out? Why weren't you honest? Did you think—?" Zero broke off. His eyes darted toward the other customers in line and at Josh's face not three feet from him. "I'm not going to discuss thi—"

"Zero, you don't under—What Yuki?" Kaname suddenly stopped and looked at the girl clutching his arm with burning eyes. "I'm talking to someone. I would appreciate it if you realized that," he said viciously. Yuki's face crumpled instantly and she looked as if Kaname had just slapped her. Kaname froze, surprised by his own outburst and glanced at Zero involuntarily.

Zero's expression had turned stony. "You shouldn't talk to your fiancée like that Kaname," he said in a flat voice. Zero could feel anger blossom inside his stomach, but it was mostly at himself. "It's not right." He turned to Yuki. "I apologize Miss, on his behalf. _No one_ has the right to speak to you in that manner." Zero looked at Kaname steadily, but Kaname looked away and at the ground, embarrassed and gently steered Yuki out of the bank. Zero could see Kaname trying to apologize to Yuki in the street from the window.

He stared the door for a few moments longer and sat down heavily in his chair. He felt shame fill him again and because of that became angry. An unpleasant realization was dawning on him that he didn't want to acknowledge. He grabbed the papers he was supposed to be organizing and began viciously rifling through them in an effort to distract himself, but it wasn't enough. He set the papers down with a sigh and pushed them away. He glanced to his right and saw Josh looking at him with surprise.

"May I—?"

"No," Zero said immediately. Josh looked undeterred so Zero said, "I'd rather not talk about it." Josh shrugged and turned back to his own papers and began working again. Zero buried his face in his hands and breathed in and out in slow, measured breaths. All he could see was Yuki's shocked and hurt expression. It was his fault it was there. He was the one who had put it on her face. Kaname wasn't like that. That wasn't the real Kaname. He knew that Kaname would never have spoken to Yuki like that, but he had, because of him, because of Zero. Zero had caused it, it was his fault.

This wasn't right, thought Zero. Yuki and Kaname's relationship was deteriorating because of him. They were getting married in one week and now were fighting. Zero had put a distance between them that shouldn't exist. It wasn't right. He shouldn't be involved. Kaname was fighting with his family, with Yuki, because of Zero. Zero was just leaving destruction wherever he touched Kaname's life. Kaname should be happy, Zero thought. Zero wasn't making him happy, he was ruining his life. He couldn't justify his happiness when Kaname was unhappy. He couldn't justify destroying Yuki's married life for his own benefit. Who was he? He was someone who had walked into Kaname's life a few weeks ago. Kaname and Yuki had made promises to each other over a year ago. Zero's presence had obliterated them all. Yuki didn't deserve only half of Kaname, she should have all of him. It wasn't right, Zero decided. He and Kaname couldn't continue their relationship. Zero would have to let him go.

…

Zero woke up the next morning, his cheeks taut from the tears that had dried there last night. He pushed his hands through his hair and sat upright in his bed. He sniffed and kept his face in his hands until he had no choice but to get up and get dressed. As Zero was buttoning up his shirt, he closed his left hand into a fist and looked at the silver ring he hadn't taken off, not once, in three days. He quickly raised it to his lips and finished getting ready. Today was the day, he thought to himself. It was the day he would tell Kaname that they couldn't—they couldn't see each other anymore.

Zero walked out of the bank apprehensively. He knew where he had to go, but was dreading it. Zero clutched his ring for support and tried not to think about how he would start the conversation. Zero wound through the trees on the familiar path he had walked all year. The trees that had previously hidden them were almost bare. The sun reached the uneven ground and illuminated Zero's path. He reached the outskirts of the clearing and hesitated. He didn't know if he wanted to walk through those trees. If he did, it meant he was going to destroy the only happiness he knew in his life. If he didn't, he would destroy the happiness and future of the person he loved most. Zero took a deep breath and pushed through the branches of the dying sakura blossoms into the clearing. Almost immediately, a pair of strong arms encircled him. Kaname crushed Zero to his chest.

"Zero!" Kaname cried, stroking Zero's hair. Zero feebly tried to push him away, but his heart wasn't in it. Kaname's hold loosened slightly, and before Zero could even say his name, Kaname began kissing him. Zero wavered for moment, wondering whether he should respond or push him away, but Kaname's warmth and the sensation of being near him overpowered his will and he began kissing Kaname back desperately. Kaname tried to pull Zero even closer, but he stumbled and they both ended up falling backwards into the bed of fallen sakura petals.

Kaname raised himself off of Zero and pulled Zero up with him. He encircled Zero in his arms again and kissed his hair. "Zero, believe me," he whispered in his ear. "I love you, more than anyone else. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I just wanted to spend more time with you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Zero buried his face in Kaname's chest. He tried to explain how it wasn't that, how it was his wedding, how Zero didn't want to hurt him, how he didn't feel right, how they couldn't be together anymore, but none of the words got past his throat. Zero looked up into Kaname's face. Kaname was looking at Zero with so much love that Zero flinched and looked away. He didn't want to know how Kaname would look at him if he told him what he had to say. But that was it, Zero _had_ to say it.

"Kaname," Zero began. Kaname lit up at the sound of his name coming from Zero's lips. Zero paused and looked into his deep brown eyes. "I love you." And knowing he was making a mistake, Zero grabbed Kaname's chin and pulled him down to meet his lips. He felt Kaname's lips shape the words "I love you too" against his and clutched Kaname closer to him, trying to forget the terrible thing he didn't do.

…

Zero stumbled into work the next morning, unable to walk in a straight line. He had spent the entire night tossing and turning, unable to reconcile himself with his imprudent actions yesterday. Kaname had walked out of the clearing happier than ever, and Zero, even if it was traitorous to his intentions, had been happy too. It was too painful to let go, Zero thought. It was too painful to think that he wouldn't be able to hold Kaname in his arms anymore, that he wouldn't be able to see him anymore, that he would soon be Yuki's. Bitter resentment filled Zero's mouth at the thought of Yuki, even if it wasn't her fault. To add to his hurt, he hadn't been able to tell Kaname, which meant he was only prolonging the inevitable.

Zero slumped onto his chair and pulled the account books toward him. They looked like a black and white mess to him. He blinked a few times, but the numbers still appeared blurry. Zero threw down his pen in frustration and rubbed his eyes with his hands.

"Did you love that person?" a voice asked. Zero jumped and turned around. Josh stood behind him with two mugs of coffee in his hands. He put one next to Zero's arm and pulled his chair toward him. "Did you love them?" he asked again, looking at Zero with a serious expression in his light blue eyes. Zero, for a reason he couldn't place, nodded without a second thought. "Ah," was all Josh said. He took a sip of his coffee and kept looking at Zero with a curious expression. "She was very pretty. Her fiancée seemed like an ass, though. I can see why you were so mad." Zero looked at him in confusion, but it clicked a moment later. Josh thought he was in love with _Yuki_.

"He's not like that," Zero said tiredly. "He's a good person." Josh looked dubious, but didn't question him. "It was my fault he was like that," Zero continued in a small voice.

Josh raised his eyebrows. "Did he find out you love her?"

"No," Zero said, "He doesn't know. But if sh—he found out, it would be catastrophic. Their wedding is this weekend."

Josh almost choked on his coffee. He gave Zero a thunderstruck look. "Why haven't you told her you love her? Sweep her off her feet! Elope man!"

Zero laughed half-heartedly. "She knows." Josh spread his hands wide and gave Zero a look that said _then why haven't you yet?_ Zero sighed and looked at the floor, trying to place it in terms Josh would understand. "Imagine Hazel was marrying someone else and even though she loved you too, you couldn't be with her because you knew you weren't the best thing for her. Imagine that if you did marry her anyway, you would be ruining her entire life." Zero looked up at Josh to find him looking stunned. He met Zero's gaze and his entire face turned serious.

"Maria?" he asked.

Zero shook his head. "She doesn't know." He didn't need to say anything else for Josh to understand what he was trying to say. That he didn't love her like he was supposed to but was still marrying her because he couldn't bear to ruin her life by leaving her either. Josh looked troubled and conflicted. He reached for Zero's shoulder and squeezed it.

"You're doing the right thing, you know," he said reassuringly. He seemed to run out of words, but patted Zero's shoulder. "Zero, I don't think I would ever love Hazel enough to let her go. If you ever need anything…" Josh trailed off and looked at Zero. Zero nodded and turned back to his section of the counter to return to his work. He felt slightly better after telling Josh about his situation, even though he couldn't tell him how it _really_ was. It felt good to be vindicated; that Josh agreed with his decision. It made Zero feel a little surer about what he had to do. He glanced up at the clock. It was almost break time, but Zero knew he could not go to the clearing with good conscience today. If he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. Zero put his face in his hands. He could almost see how Kaname's eager face would turn to disappointment when he didn't come.

…

Zero shut the door to his room later that night, feeling guilty that he hadn't had the courage to see Kaname. He lay on his bed fully dressed and looked up at the dimly lit ceiling. With the shadows that arched across it, it looked like a negative space painting. He thought about, what else, Kaname. Zero spun out elaborate fantasies in his mind: things that would never work, but still eased the dull ache that was starting in his chest. In the past few hours, he had thought of dozens of different things he could have done to keep Kaname with him. Mainly, they involved moving beyond the reach of this town, changing their names, and swearing to live as bachelors for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, these imaginings always ended with someone finding out and…Zero had seen what people had done to a couple such as himself and Kaname in the city before… It wasn't an ending he wished upon himself or Kaname. If only Kaname wasn't getting married, he thought. Zero didn't mind at all that he was throwing his own marriage on the train tracks (it was something he could deal with), but Zero couldn't let Kaname's fall apart before it even started.

No matter how Zero imagined it or how he twisted and turned their situation, it only came to one conclusion. Zero let out a deep and long sigh that seemed to empty his body. It had to be tomorrow. If he waited any longer, it would be Friday, then their wedding day, then the day after, and who's to say Zero's will would hold then? He wrapped his arms around himself and reminded himself why he was doing this. It was for Yuki's future, for Maria's future, and for Kaname's future.

Zero turned to the side and felt a tear roll across the bridge of his nose and into his hair. It tickled slightly as it left a wet line on his face. He breathed in and held himself tighter. There was a sharp pain in his chest and his breathing came out in increasingly labored gasps. He screwed his eyes shut, but it didn't stop the wetness from leaking out from underneath them. While biting his lips so he wouldn't cry out, Zero sat up and slowly pushed himself off his bed. He had to see him, now.

Zero slowly crept down the stairs. He stepped as lightly as he could on the hardwood floor and tried to avoid the creaky spots. The floor groaned under him anyway, but Zero hoped the Kurenai's were deep enough in sleep to stay asleep. He turned the doorknob as carefully as he could and gently shut the door behind him after making sure it was unlocked. Once outside, Zero stayed in the shadows of the houses and trees, making sure he was not illuminated by the full moon's light. The town was aglow with silvery light and though he tried, the moon's light reflected off his hair and made it shine like a lustrous pearl. After a few minutes of creeping along at a glacial pace, Zero threw caution to the wind and began to run down the streets towards Kaname's house.

He arrived ten minutes later, sweaty and out of breath. He paused in front of the Kuran's house and looked up at the many windows. After a bewildered moment, he realized he didn't know which window was Kaname's. Zero put his hands on his knees and doubled over, breathing and thinking hard. An image of Kaname airily waving the direction of his bedroom to him on the day of the visit came to him. He had pointed up the stairs and towards the back of the house. Zero grabbed this piece of information as if it were a life jacket and ran around the house into the backyard. To his dismay, there were just as many windows on the back of the house as the front, but it was built so he could clearly see where the rooms were divided from the outside.

Zero searched the ground for a small pebble to throw at one of the windows and hope he'd get lucky, but he spotted something even better: an old wooden ladder lying in the grass near the back door. Zero picked it up and gently set it upright against the side of the house underneath a window. Zero then moved back until he could see the windows clearly. They were solid rectangles of black with indistinct gray shapes that the moonlight lit. Perfect, he thought, the curtains weren't drawn.

Zero tapped his bottom lip for a moment in thought. Mrs. Kuran had said there was a guest bedroom, which meant if Mr. and Mrs. Kuran's bedroom was towards the front, one side would show him an empty room and the other side would be Kaname's room. Zero's flicked from one side of the groupings of windows to the other. He finally shrugged and decided to look in the window that the ladder was closest to, having no other way to know for sure. Zero stepped on the first rung of the ladder and experimentally put half of his weight on it to make sure it didn't suddenly break under the strain. It sank slightly into the soft ground, but seemed fairly sturdy, so Zero quickly dismissed his fears and began climbing. Once he was shoulder level with the window, he looked in.

It was a mostly empty bedroom. There was a desk directly under the window he was looking in, a closet door half open to his right, and in the far left side of the room, a single twin bed. On it was a person in the bed, tangled in a blanket. Zero could see the occupant of the bed breathing slowly. The blanket fell and rose with him. Zero grinned and began tapping the glass. The occupant of the bed stirred once, but didn't wake up. Zero tapped again even harder. This time Kaname rolled over and opened his eyes curiously. He immediately sat up. The blood drained out of his face and he looked terrified. His hands clutched the edge of his blanket, but relaxed when it registered in his sleepy mind that it was only Zero. Kaname threw his blanket off of him and hurried over to the window.

"What are you _doing_ here?" he whispered to Zero, pushing the window open halfway. Zero smiled at him, but didn't answer. Instead, he tried to climb through the small space Kaname had opened for him. "Ask me later," he said, struggling to open the window further with one hand. "Let me in first."

"Oh!" Kaname said with surprise. He quickly pushed the window open as far as he could and grabbed Zero's arms to pull him inside. After Zero had fallen unceremoniously on the floor, they both heard a scraping sound and a muffled _thunk_. Kaname raised an eyebrow at Zero while extending a hand to help him stand. Zero whispered "your ladder" in response and grasped Kaname's hand. Kaname nodded as if he already understood why Zero was climbing through his windows unannounced. He helped Zero to his feet and asked: "So…?"

Now that Zero was standing in front of Kaname, he realized how ridiculous this must seem. He glanced at Kaname and then at his shoes. "I just missed you."

Kaname laughed quietly. "You didn't miss me enough this afternoon to come and see me?"

"I had some work to do," Zero lied. "But I wanted to see you…so I came." He tried to speak as if it was no big deal.

"You walked all the way across town just to see _me_?" Kaname asked softly. He looked incredulous, but still pulled Zero into an embrace. Zero inhaled deeply. He put his arms around Kaname and squeezed him tightly; his fingers dug into his back. Kaname stiffened and pulled away slightly with a frown on his face.

"Is there anything wrong?" he asked, running his fingers down Zero's face slowly. Zero looked at him for a moment and tried to memorize his face and his expression, even though it was creased with worry. Zero shook his head and let go of Kaname. He walked over to the bed, took off his shoes, and slipped in between the covers.

"I'm tired," Zero said, pressing against the wall so Kaname had enough room on the small bed as well. Kaname watched him silently, but followed without any question. It was evident he was still worried. Zero ignored the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach and tugged on Kaname's sleeve. Kaname slowly lay down next to him, but his concerned eyes never left Zero's.

Zero ignored him and pulled the covers over both their shoulders. They looked into the other's eyes: Kaname uneasy and Zero just trying to commit Kaname's face and warmth to his memory. A few moments later, Zero broke eye contact and buried his face in Kaname's neck. "I'm tired," he whispered again. "Can you hold me?" Kaname immediately tucked Zero's head more securely under his chin and wrapped his arms around him. Zero closed his eyes. He felt Kaname slowly stroking his hair and occasionally pressing his lips into his hair, but as the night wore on, it became more infrequent and Kaname's hold on Zero loosened as he relaxed and started to fall asleep.

It was that moment Zero spoke: "Kaname, you will be there tomorrow, right?" Kaname mumbled a sleepy affirmative and patted Zero's head clumsily. Zero kissed Kaname's neck and huddled closer to him. As he listened to Kaname's steady heartbeat through his arm, Zero realized the ache in his chest had finally stopped.

…

Zero didn't stay the entire night. Around four o'clock in the morning, he disentangled himself from Kaname and slowly snuck through the house and out the front door. It was still as dark as it had been when Zero had arrived, but now the moon was setting and preparing the way for the sun. Zero walked around to the back of Kaname's house and dragged the ladder back approximately to where he had found it. He looked up at Kaname's windows and was satisfied that there were no obvious marking from the ladder to give him away. He lingered under them momentarily, remembering how Kaname looked asleep.

Zero put his hands in his pockets and started walking home. The streets were still deserted. Zero knew no one was awake this early in the morning, so he walked slowly and enjoyed the early morning air. He felt much lighter. The ache in his chest had subsided to a dull throb he could bear. He no longer felt the mad urge to claw at his chest. It was Kaname, always Kaname, who could do that. For a few hours, the anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger he had been wrestling with for the past three days disappeared. As soon as Zero had stepped out of Kaname's house, however, they converged upon him and began attacking him again. Except this time, Zero thought apprehensively, he wouldn't have Kaname to kiss them away.

Zero stepped into the Kurenai's house and walked up the stairs. He closed the door to his room and climbed into his bed. He hadn't slept at all with Kaname. Instead he had watched him sleep. Zero had tried to memorize every detail about Kaname: his pale skin, his straight nose, his eyelashes, the way his hair curled slightly at the ends, the long sturdy fingers that had been clasped around Zero's, and much more. Zero hoped that even in twenty years, he would still be able to remember this image perfectly.

Zero closed his eyes and absentmindedly traced the hollows under his eyes. He had about 3 hours to sleep. Zero hadn't slept the night before and he could feel exhaustion weighing down his bones. He covered his face with his hands and sighed. He hoped when tomorrow came, everything would return to normal.

….

Zero slowly shut the door to the bank behind him. It was now officially his break time. He hadn't thought about what he'd say or how to say it. His scenarios usually ended with him rescinding all his intentions and kissing Kaname in the sunset or whatever ending his mind came up with. Zero wished he could have made fun of himself for being so cheesy, but the only thing he could feel was paralyzing dread. He could hardly move his feet. Every step he did take, he had to fight the desire to turn back and run away.

By the time he reached the outer circle of sakura trees, Zero was filled with so much trepidation, he felt like wriggling out of his skin and crawling away. He stepped through the browning sakura petals on the ground and into their clearing, which was covered in bright green grass, but surrounded by dying sakura blossoms. The trees had lost all of their delicate blossoms, but they didn't stand bare. Newly unfurled leaves pushed themselves out from where the sakura flowers used to hang. Instead of being surrounded by the white ethereal blossoms, Zero and Kaname's clearing had been plunged into the green normalcy of spring.

Under the shadow of one of the trees, Kaname sat waiting for him. He had a book in his lap, but was only absentmindedly turning the pages. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and was slowly rubbing the corner of a page between his forefinger and thumb. His dark hair fell elegantly over his forehead and reached just above his shoulders. It had the slight sheen to it, as if it had just been brushed. Zero waited in the shadows, once again trying to soak up as much of Kaname as he could. Once he couldn't postpone the moment any longer, Zero walked over to the shaded spot Kaname was sitting in.

"Hello," he said, giving the top of the book a small tug. Kaname glanced up at him with a smile.

"Hello. I'm glad you came," he said. "I don't know how long I can stay. It looks like there's going to be a storm." Kaname closed his book and looked up into the tree nervously. Zero frowned and moved out of the tree's shadow to look at the sky. He blinked in surprise. The sky was a depressing steel gray with pockets of darker color. In the distance he could hear the low rumbling of thunder. He glanced back at Kaname who still seemed worried. Zero hadn't even noticed the sky when he had woken up this morning. Lighting flashed suddenly and Zero began counting.

"One…two…three…four..." Zero kept counting until he heard clap of thunder. "Five miles," he said. "We should be fine." Kaname looked at him dubiously and Zero grinned. "I didn't know you were scared of storms."

"I'm not. These are new clothes. I wouldn't want to ruin them." Kaname carefully put his book aside and moved toward Zero. He leaned in to kiss him, but Zero pulled away, suddenly remembering the reason he was here. Kaname froze. Zero could see the beginnings of the same worry he saw on Kaname's face last night.

"What's wrong?" he asked, still leaning towards Zero on his hands and knees. Zero sat down and took one of Kaname's hands. He pressed it to his cheek and slowly ran his lips down the length of Kaname's palm. Kaname's hand tightened around Zero's cheek, his fingers pressing down into the skin of Zero's cheekbone. Zero gently removed Kaname's hand and replaced it, silently telling him that it was too much pressure. Kaname softened his touch, but was still looking at Zero with a focused expression.

Zero's stomach was doing nervous flips and making him feel queasy. It would be so easy for him to pretend nothing was wrong, but in the end it didn't erase the reality of their situation. Zero stroked Kaname's hand slowly, searching for the right words.

"I don't think we should…meet here anymore."

"Do you want to meet somewhere else?" Kaname asked. His eyes were confused, but the way his hand clenched into a fist in his lap told Zero that Kaname knew exactly what he meant, even if he didn't want to acknowledge it.

"No, I mean like this," Zero said, touching Kaname's hand on top of his cheek. Kaname yanked his hand out from under Zero's fingers and looked at him accusingly.

"What do you mean?"

"I—," Zero sighed and looked at his hands. "I don't think we should keep seeing each other Kaname." Zero let his words hang in the air between them. He resolutely stared at the ground. He didn't want to see Kaname's face as his words fell into the air. The silence stretched between them. Zero couldn't hear anything except for the wind that steadily grew stronger. He finally looked up at Kaname, eyes begging for an answer.

"I—I don't understand," Kaname said slowly. His eyes reflected the raw pain and confusion inside. "Why are you doing this?"

Zero shook his head. "I—I can't—you're getting married in _two_ days Kaname. We can't—"

"So?" Kaname asked, suddenly aggressive. "So what if I'm getting married?" Kaname crossed his arms and tried to glare at Zero, but his eyes were shining and vulnerable. Zero sighed and moved closer to Kaname. He held both of Kaname's hands in his own.

"You would be hurting her, Kaname. Yuki _loves_ you," Zero said softly.

"But I don't love her! I could care less! I want you!" Kaname objected. Kaname squeezed Zero's hands until they hurt, but Zero shook his head. This was the rift he had caused between Kaname and Yuki. Those words shouldn't have been spoken. Zero felt like throwing up. It was so painful.

"Yes, you do," Zero said, nodding slowly. "Enough to be faithful, enough to not ruin her life."

Kaname's eyes began to shine with tears. "No I don't," he protested weakly. He slipped his hands out of Zero's grip and brought Zero's hands to his face. "I love you. Zero, please, _please_ , don't do this." Zero's heart twisted at the sight of Kaname's pain, but there was nothing he could do. This was the right path, even though it was ripping Zero to pieces

"It wouldn't be fair to her, to Maria, to me, or you—"Zero began, even while Kaname was shaking his head. He tried to say something more, but Kaname grabbed his face. He kissed Zero roughly, letting his fingers dig into Zero's cheeks and hair. Zero responded immediately, but more gently. He let go and lost himself in Kaname; this might be, after all, the last time he would kiss him. After a few moments, Kaname pulled away, breathless.

"We could run away," he breathed, holding Zero's face in his hands. "We could go to New York City or something. We could get jobs and…and just be together." Zero smiled sadly; that was exactly what he'd wanted to do as well. He held Kaname's face and cradled it in his hands.

"No," he said gently. "You know what they do to people like us. I don't ever want that to happen to you. I want you to be _happy_ and _safe_. The only thing I've brought to your life is conflict and misery. I don't want to mess up your life anymore, okay?" Kaname tried to protest, but Zero cut him off, unable to drag it out any longer. "It's not right Kaname," he said angrily. "It's not right to go behind our wives backs to be with each other. It's sick and wrong. I don't want to ruin Maria or Yuki's life for my selfishness. I can't justify it Kaname. Can you?"

The finality of Zero's tone stopped any of Kaname's objections. Instead, he let the tears he had been holding back for the past few minutes fall from his eyes. They dripped slowly onto his hands and into the grass. He shook his head silently, as if that could make everything Zero said untrue. Zero reached toward him and Kaname closed the distance between them by throwing himself into Zero's chest. Zero caught him and held him tightly. Kaname didn't shake or sob; he only pressed his face into Zero's shirt. Zero could feel tears trailing down his face as well, but like Kaname, he stayed silent.

After a few minutes, Zero pulled away and looked at Kaname's pale face. He was still crying and his lip had begun to bleed from where he had been biting it. Zero wiped away the tears from Kaname's cheeks with his shirt cuff and gently touched the spot of blood on his bitten bottom lip once.

"Thank you," he said. "Thank you for finding me and showing me how to live again. Every song I play from now on will be for you. I hope you remember that. And, I love you. I will love you forever, I promise." Zero gathered Kaname to him again and squeezed him tightly.

Zero slowly stood up. He gazed down at the top of Kaname's dark head. There was a powerful yearning in his heart to reach out and touch him again, but Zero knew that if he did, he wouldn't leave. He gave Kaname one last look and turned away. From the corner of his eye, he saw Kaname's hand twitch up towards his sleeve as if to grab it. Zero began to walk faster and faster until he was running out of the clearing. As he dodged trees and bulging roots on the ground, he heard the sound of his own ragged sobs and the rumble of thunder overhead.


	4. Our Inevitable End

As soon as Zero's footfalls faded away, Kaname doubled over and pounded the ground with his fists. Thunder rumbled overhead ominously, but it didn't matter to Kaname. As it crashed for a second time, Kaname bellowed his pain aloud.

He yelled until his throat felt raw. Still doubled over, Kaname began sobbing. He clutched his sides and dug his fingernails into them until he was sure his skin would bruise. A sharp pain bloomed inside his head and as he cried harder; it felt as if his head were going to explode, even so, it was nothing compared to the corresponding pain in his chest. His heart felt hollow and empty, but still throbbed with an intensity he had never known.

Kaname clutched his chest with his hand. It was so painful and uncomfortable, Kaname wanted to tear his heart out. His fingernails scrabbled uselessly against his shirt and Kaname grabbed his head in both hands. The tears that had started when Zero had finished saying the inevitable still hadn't stopped. Kaname thought they would never. The ache he felt now in his heart would forever be with him.

Kaname felt something wet on his hand. At first he dismissed it as his own tears, but soon he felt wetness everywhere, his shoulders, his legs, his arms. Kaname looked up at the sky and realized it was raining. It enveloped him in its sound and fell steadily, but heavily. In minutes Kaname was soaked to his skin. He moved back under the tree and curled up into a ball. The rain made it easier for him. He let his tears flow unrestrainedly. They fell as steadily and heavily as the rain.

Kaname was lost to his memories, replaying the last moments with Zero over and over until it felt as if it was happening all over again. He buried his face into his knees, breathing heavily through his mouth. It felt as if the rain that fell was filling his lungs and eyes with water in an attempt to drown him. Sobs forced themselves through his tight throat, choking him. Kaname coughed into his arm and the taste of blood made itself known to his tongue.

He hid his face in his arms again and let the rain's sound fill his ears instead of his desperate crying. Eventually the rain stopped, or Kaname thought it did because he glanced up from his refuge. He found that it was still raining, but someone held a black umbrella over his head, shielding him from the rain drops. Kaname followed the hand holding the grip of the umbrella up their arm and finally to their face. Kaname couldn't help the sense of disappointment that washed over him. A small part of him had hoped that it was Zero, come back to renounce his earlier words and cradle him once more. It was just Yuki, looking at him with worried eyes. Her hair was disheveled and the bottoms of her skirts were muddied and torn. It was obvious she had been wandering in the rain, but Kaname couldn't bring himself to care or even grace her with a proper greeting. He looked away and rested his cheek on his forearms, back to his own thoughts once he had realized it wasn't Zero.

Kaname didn't know how long she stood there or how long he sat curled up without speaking. He knew that the rain didn't reach him anymore and that she was still holding the umbrella over his head, but other than that her presence didn't register in his mind. It wasn't until she spoke that Kaname was shocked enough to look at her.

"Do you want to call off the wedding?" she asked in a matter-of-fact voice. Kaname stared at her. Her words were incomprehensible. Kaname looked at her, unable to understand her question. Yuki sighed and crouched on the ground next to him, still holding the umbrella over their heads. "I know you love him…" Yuki sighed again, backtracking at the confused look on Kaname's face."I—I saw you two...kissing…last week here. It was how I knew where to find you…when you didn't come home." It automatically registered in Kaname's brain that that was the noise that had interrupted Zero and him. Yuki had seen them. Yuki had known. And now she was offering Kaname a chance, an opportunity he didn't think he could have.

Kaname looked at Yuki's face. She was biting her lip and looking at him with the big brown eyes he had once found endearing. They were filled with fear, sadness, and affection. It was true, he thought, what he had almost said to Zero earlier. He didn't love her, at least not in the way he had previously thought. It was his chance now to accept her offer, grab this hitherto opportunity that hadn't existed and run back to Zero. His mind began spinning out ideas, fantasies, possible futures at an alarming rate, but when he glanced at Yuki again, they began to die… One by one.

It wouldn't be a crime, he thought, to leave her, but only he and Yuki would know the truth. No one could ever know what actually happened (his love for Zero would be an evil greater than a broken wedding) and Kaname could see how it would look to the outsiders. People like Mrs. Burberry and her circle of vultures, even kind people such as Mr. Stevens would misunderstand. Yuki's reputation would be tarnished, irreparable. Kaname knew people would begin to gossip. They would think there was something wrong with Yuki, that she was damaged goods, even though it wasn't her fault. For some confounded reason the blame always fell to the woman, not the man, even if it was his fault. Yuki would never be able to remarry and she would forever be followed by whispers and dirty looks. The respectability of her family would disappear and Kaname was sure her parents would be at the point of throwing her out; once again, even if it was at Kaname's insistence the alliance was broken.

Kaname looked into Yuki's eyes again. She wasn't Zero, but Kaname couldn't deny the friendly affection he had garnered for her over the past years. Zero was right, he loved her enough to stay and enough to make sure that because of his actions the rest of her life wasn't marred with unfounded accusations. Kaname closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He didn't love her. He couldn't truly be happy with her, but he could try, for her sake, the same way Zero was trying for Maria. Kaname opened his eyes again.

"No."

"Are you sure?" Yuki asked, shocked. "Kaname, I don't—"

"No Yuki," Kaname said again. "If you can find it within yourself to forgive me, then I will marry you. Just—just give me one day—" Kaname's voice broke and he cleared his throat to start again. "One day to forget him…and I swear…from our wedding day, I will be yours."

Yuki looked at him with a mixture of sadness, and Kaname could see it the depths of her eyes, love. Kaname could see her struggling with herself to say no, but in the end, just as he had been helpless, so was she. But instead of duty, she was trapped by love, for him. Yuki silently nodded and stood up. Kaname followed. They looked at each other for a moment. Kaname took the umbrella from her grasp and they walked out of the clearing together. Kaname couldn't help glancing back as they stepped through the circle of trees. Their meadow that was usually filled with sunlight, warmth, and happiness was now drenched, muddy, and quite ugly. Kaname sighed and bid a silent goodbye to their place.

….

Kaname silently pushed open his front door with Yuki in tow. He shook the umbrella of rain and set it in the hall to dry. Seconds after he placed it on the floor, a pair of hands grabbed him around the middle and pulled him into an embrace. Kaname stroked his mother's hair with one hand and hugged her with the other. His mother grabbed his face and pulled him down to her eye level. Her eyes were red and her face was swollen and splotchy.

"Where have you been Kaname?" she cried, inspecting his face for scratches and damage. "I've been dying with worry. Do you know what time it is?!" Kaname smiled apologetically and hugged his mother again.

"I'm sorry," he said into her hair. His mother pulled away from him again, but this time she seemed livid.

"Where were you?" she demanded. "Where were you that you were gone for seven and a half hours?" Kaname opened his mouth to respond, but found that he didn't have an excuse. He couldn't think of anything and even just skating across the real reason in his mind made his heart clench painfully.

"Mrs. Kuran." Yuki spoke softly from behind Kaname. "He needs to rest. He's soaked to the bone." Mrs. Kuran looked around Kaname to Yuki and hugged her unexpectedly as well.

"Thank you," she said. "'For bringing back my son." Yuki looked flustered and hugged her back. Kaname mouthed his thanks to Yuki and began climbing the stairs, feeling exhausted. He dripped water on every step he climbed, but was stopped midway by his mother's sudden exclamation.

"Wait, Kaname! Where have you been?" Kaname was spared from answering when he heard Yuki's soft voice again telling Mrs. Kuran that he needed to change and that she would explain everything. Kaname resumed climbing the stairs without looking back. He could feel his control dissipating rapidly. Kaname shut the door to his room a little too loudly and began changing as fast as he could. His wet clothes remained in a pile on the floor as he rummaged through his drawers for dry ones. As soon as he changed, Kaname collapsed into his bed. He wrapped his blankets around himself. It might have been his imagination, but he thought he could smell Zero's scent lingering in them from last night. Kaname breathed deeply, burrowing into them further.

If he deluded himself, then it was almost as if Zero was holding him in his arms again. He couldn't hear Zero's heartbeat, but it was as close and as real as it would get. Kaname sighed and plunged himself into his memories, escaping his dreary reality. He imagined he was in the clearing again on that day Zero had told him he had something to play for him, for the first time in days. That song Zero had played had actually brought tears to Kaname's eyes. It sang of their meadow and of happiness. Kaname blinked away the wetness that had started to gather and remembered how it had felt for Zero to kiss him the way he had. Kaname gathered the blankets closer to his face and closed his eyes, falling asleep with the feeling of Zero's warm lips lingering on his.

…

Kaname spent the entirety of next day pretending to be sick and staying in bed. His mother came to bother—check—on him every so often, but for the most part, she left him alone. Kaname dimly made a mental note to thank Yuki, whatever she told his overprotective mother had made her leave him alone. He had promised Yuki that by their wedding day, he would completely forget Zero, or at least never mention him again. That meant today was his day. It was his day to mope, sob, remember, and fortify himself for a life without Zero. Kaname was doing just that by reliving every single memory and moment he had pertaining to the other man. If he could etch them deeply into the folds of his mind, then he would never have to truly forget him. Zero would always be there.

…

The morning passed by in a blur. It seemed as if he were poked and prodded into place by pins, needles, and his mother. Before Kaname knew it, he was standing at the front of the church and looking out into the congregation. Lavishly dressed ladies in the front row were giggling behind their hands. The old lady behind them was smiling fondly. His friends were snickering and elbowing each other. His mother was crying silently into his beaming father's shoulder. The Kurenais were sitting in the third row on the left with one empty space between Maria and Mr. Kurenai. Kaname's eyes lingered on the empty space for a moment. He shook his head and looked toward the doors at the end of the aisle.

Waiting for him there was Yuki. She was resplendent in her white dress. He smiled softly; it was everything she had imagined and more. Yuki tentatively met Kaname's eyes from across the room. He winked. She seemed to smile despite herself and looped her arm through her father's. Once the music started, it was like everything was set in fast-forward. Kaname reminded himself one last time: _It never happened._

"I do."

Kaname placed a soft kiss on Yuki's mouth and cheers erupted around them. He smiled down at her and gently guided her down the steps to the aisle. They walked amid the cheers and flower petals with clasped hands. At the end of the aisle, Kaname put his hand flat against the door, intending to push it open. He paused, however. Yuki put her hand over his and looked solemnly into his eyes. He let out a deep breath and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She smiled and they pushed open the door together. As they descended the steps, Kaname heard a familiar violin playing. It was the first song he had ever heard him play on that day so long ago. Kaname closed his eyes and nodded once to himself.

"Goodbye."


End file.
